My Interview With Modern Male Lifestyle

http://www.modernmalelifestyle.com/article/Christy-Goldstein-Dating-Coach-Interview-PodCast-003

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Breakup Survival Guide

We all have one person we just can’t get over, and there’s usually no clear reason why that particular person has a hold on us. Some say it is a past-life connection, while others say it is because we finally had a connection with someone that we hadn’t had with anyone in a long time. Due to this connection, we hold onto that person longer than we should just because we do not want to lose that feeling we once had.

There isn’t an official “getting over your ex” handbook. But, what I have done in my past is burn or throw away everything that reminded me of my ex. I also have removed my exes from Facebook. With Facebook being so prevalent in everyones lives, it is necessary to not be friends with an ex at the start of a breakup.

Many people will use subliminal messages via status updates to get each others attention. I know you want to know his every move, but for your sake it is best to remove him in the beginning. If months down the road you two have figured out what most former couples can not, how to be mature and happy for each other, than by all means re-add him as a friend. But not a minute before.

I also recommend staying away from his local spots. This became tricky for me and an ex because we both went to the same hangout spots. So, our relationship went back and forth longer than it should have because we ran into each other while we were drinking, which, of course, is another bad idea. Do not text while drinking. With liquid courage you say all the things you wish you would have said sober and then it all comes out all at once.

Of course, most people say that time is both your friend and your enemy. As time goes on, you will start to miss your ex less and less. As months go on, you will start to realize why your relationship did not work. Most people romanticize relationships in the beginning of a breakup because we think we want that person back. We miss them and we do not want to be alone.

The best thing to do is ask your closest friends what they thought of your relationship. They will be brutally honest because they were there when you were crying and bitching about your ex.

Once you have been away from the ex and have finally moved on, you will start to realize that if it was meant to be it would have been. Some relationships are there to make us learn about what we want and what we do not want. Treat a relationship that did not work out as a learning experience. Be happy that they taught you what you did not want in a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Why You Shouldn’t Update Your Relationship Status

It has come to my attention that my generation believes if a relationship is not “Facebook official,” then the relationship is not real. This means that if the “in a relationship” box is not checked off on a profile, then the relationship nonexistent.

When did Facebook take over our lives? Why is it that if something happens to us — whether it’s something funny, sad or mean — we go to Facebook first to let our “friends” know? Why has Facebook taken over our lives, and most importantly, our relationships.

Remember when we had to pick up the phone to discuss something with someone, or discussed the issue in person? While it is great that social networking has advanced, our conversations have become so impersonal that we do not know if a friend’s Facebook status should be taken seriously. 

How did we resort to using Facebook and Twitter to find out about the latest gossip surrounding our friends? Why is it okay that we have allowed technology and social networking to rule our lives?
Facebook and Twitter can be a great tool to tell people things without contacting them individually. However, telling everyone on Facebook that you are pregnant before telling the father is wrong on so many levels.
We have been conditioned to check our Facebook profiles and news feeds every second of the day, and now, even our cell phones have the capability to update Facebook and Twitter simultaneously. 

Have we become lazy? Technological advancements have created simpler methods of doing things to save time and energy. For some tasks, this is a great thing, but what are we teaching the children of the next generation? … that your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is not real unless it is posted on Facebook?

We have become so subdued that when Facebook changes a feature, my newsfeed fills with complaints about it for several hours. Lets face it, that change is the most important thing of the day for everyone. Heaven forbid we start thinking about the important things that seldom make someone’s status update, such as the country’s overwhelming debt and the wars that are being fought throughout the world. 

Being “Facebook official” is a concept that I do not agree with because in a few weeks, your relationship status will go back to “single.” So, why bother? It only takes a few seconds to go from being in a relationship to being single. Why let everyone know? It is not like Facebook makes or breaks a relationship. However, if you put more emphasis on being “Facebook official,” than you do on your actual relationship, it will.

Why Your Dating Checklist Doesn’t Work

Lately, a lot of women who are single have been making lists of what they want and don’t want in a man and a relationship. But do those actually work, or are they turning away possible love matches because of these extensive lists?
I have seen a lot of women pass up good men because either they are too short, have the wrong hair color, have kids, were divorced, etc. They crossed off every man that came their way that did not match their list to a tee.

All you ladies out there that make these lists and check off men that don’t match up are more than likely still single … but you don’t have to be! Screw the list and take a chance on someone who may be two inches shorter than what you want. After all, it can’t hurt to give it a try.

Lists can work to an extent but to use them as an “all or nothing” type deal will not work most of the time. Many of the things on their checklists are inconceivable and unattainable. To think that one person will have fifty to a hundred things on your list is insane! What would you do if the men started making a checklist and the guy you wanted rejected you because you didn’t fit his criteria? Wouldn’t you feel low about yourself? 

Of course, you can expect the normal things that a man should possess such as being nice, sweet, generous, courteous ect. But to put on your list his height, weight, job title and his hair color is just a time consuming stunt that won’t work out 99% of the time. There is always going to be a deal breaker for people and that is fine if, for example, you want to cut your losses when the guy doesn’t have a college degree or he has children or was divorced.

To include the superficial reasons on why you won’t date someone, however, will undoubtedly render you single for a long time.

Defining Relationships Too Soon.

When people are just starting to date, most seem to try to take it to the next level too fast. When you have just met someone a month down the line is not the time to start asking “where are we?” and “where are we going?” it’s a moot issue, well it should be. Because at the end of the day, how well do you really know this person? Most are quick to say that I am with so and so and they are my boyfriend/girlfriend, but why are we rushing this most important time in dating? Are we defining relationships too soon?

During the first months of a relationship we are learning about the other person, what they like and what they don’t like. By rushing things along too fast, you are inevitably missing what could be the deal breaker for that relationship. Had you actually taken your time and learned who this person was, you may have saved you and them some grief. In my experience, asking the “where is it going” question too soon isn’t necessary.  Friends have asked me when they should ask their partners and I always respond “why do you want to know so soon?”

Dating is a time to enjoy getting to know people again and not have expectations on how things are or how they should be. Perhaps if people took their time with relationships like they do with friendships, then, the divorce rate and cancelled engagements would be greatly decreased. I do know that love at first sight exists for some, but again, why the rush? Why are we rushing with relationships that are already wonderful the way they are? Taking things slower, helps make the relationship stronger and builds a strong base for the future.

Many who ended up in failed long term relationships and marriages say they wish they would have found out sooner whether a relationship was right for them or not.  They feel that had they waited and learned about their partner’s character and personality that perhaps they wouldn’t have moved forward with them. Let’s be honest here, when was the last time you maintained and nurtured a bad friendship just to be included as their maid of honor or best man at their wedding? In the same way why rush your wedding to the wrong person? Relationships should be a process, take your time and have fun!