Officially a Relationship, Life, and Professional Coach

The past couple of months I had been studying like crazy to get my coaching certificates needed for myself to further my career as a writer and dating expert. I completed the certified professional coach, certified relationship coach, and certified life coach. I received an 98% so I am a really happy girl that I was able to get this accomplished, especially since I had just had a neck surgery. I am striving for people to become more educated on invisible illnesses and how it affects the people who have them. I am one of those people and I knew the only way I could help deal with this illness was to write about it and to hopefully help someone along the way.

I am still attending The Ohio State University and currently writing two books. One is on dating and love, and the other is a non-fiction book about my journey with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and my surgeries.

Look out for more things I am trying to put together to help my fellow EDSers and disability people across the world.

Women Versus Women

Have you ever had that thought, why doesn’t she like me? She doesn’t even know me? I have had that thought a lot.

I know from the past women are supposed to be fearful of other women. It’s in their genetic makeup to be automatically tense when a women walks by and think what are her intentions. Everything is always “high school.” We never really get out of high school, do we? I have been out of high school for ten years and I still feel like I am walking the same halls, but just with different faces. When I worked in an office setting it was exhausting. Women automatically are sizing you up the moment you meet them. And for what reason? When did it become acceptable for women to be at war with each other?

We all suffer from the same heartbreak, the same setbacks with jobs, or the same headache of family life. We all are under the same pressure to make our lives as best as we can. So why are there women out there trying to make it harder for other women?

Women, for some reason, feel threatened by other women. Whether she is threatened because of a man or a job position, women automatically hate other women. I have watched a lot of girls look me up and down and I know what they are thinking. It’s what all girls are thinking when they first meet another girl “who is this bitch”.

There are ladies out there that say, “no, never done it”, you are lying! We all do it. And I wonder why we do? We should be coming together and be a force instead of being at war. Not all women are out to steal your man or steal that job you covet. We all are here trying to do the same thing, find love and find happiness.

Recently I walked down the street with my two dogs and this woman was in the passenger seat of an SUV, she gave me the dirtiest look I have had in a long time. I thought to myself what the hell? In that second she saw me, she automatically thought to give me a dirty look. We need to figure out how to change the reaction women have when they see another woman. Some women smile at someone when they see them and other women see danger and automatically are prepared for a brawl. It is so sad that in that one second that woman saw me she thought I was a bitch so I deserved that look. I have always thought that these women who are like this thrive for the most part and why I think this? Well to be honest when there is a woman like this no one wants to be around that woman so in a workplace that woman will get promotions just so other people don’t have to deal with her. Which in fact is such a horrible reaction to that woman, because she will keep getting promoted to higher positions of power just because someone else does not know how to deal with her and want that woman out of their “department”. I have seen this happen on many occasions in the corporate world. It always sadden me when there were two women up for a position and the “nicer” one didn’t get it because the other woman pissed off so many people that they need her out of that department since she has not done anything that was “worthy” of her getting fired.

So, Ladies, instead of hating on some other woman because she has something you want, why not think of how she got it and strive to get whatever it is you are craving from that person. Now, I am not saying steal her man or steal her job, I am saying there is something or someone meant for all of us so find out what that is and go get it! Because to be honest when you look at a woman and see her hair, eyes, face, body type and clothes; that woman can not change how she looks just like you can not, so why are you hating on someone who has the same amount of control as you do on how you look? So always remember that person has body image issues just like you do. There is always something someone does not like about their appearance so instead of being jealous to the point of being hateful why don’t you look at it like this, she has no control how she looks anymore than you do!

Why You Shouldn’t Drink And Text

We’ve either gotten them or sent them … some of them are funny and some of them are just down right annoying! So, when is enough enough, especially when you are dating someone?

I am talking about the drunk text. Sure, some of them are hilarious like if they are from one of your girl friends and they are telling you about a date they are on that there was no hope for so they decided to get smashed. And being the great friend that you are they wanted to include you! /node/58228

You should feel lucky when it comes from your friends, but when it’s from a potential love match or boyfriend, that’s when things become a little bit tricky. Of course age comes into play with this; if you are in your low twenties, then this will happen more often than not. But, if you are closer to thirty or over thirty, that is when you start to scratch your head and think, “Really?”

Over the years, I have gotten plenty of drunk texts and have laughed at most of them. However, as I get older I am not laughing that much anymore. My last few drunk texts have been from some of my best guy friends telling me that they liked me as more than a friend. Now I know people can be shy, but if you like someone you should be able to say it sober and without a drunk text message that says, “I am drunk weeeeeee by the way I like you weeeee.” And yes this is the exact text message that was sent to me once. /node/47413

Another thing with drunk texting is that you have that alcohol courage helping you out. So not only have you sent that oh so important text message to declare your undying affection, but you have also sent a billion other text messages in a row that are pointless gibberish. And that will start to annoy anyone who is on the receiving end especially sober people. So because of all the other messages, the most important message you wanted to get across is lost on that person, because they are too busy counting how many text messages you have sent in one hour.

So the moral of the story ladies and gentleman is if you are drinking, please ask yourself over and over, if you really want to send that text message because once it is sent, you can not take it back! Also, sending too many messages to someone gives that person an impression of you that may not be accurate. And lets be honest here no one wants to be thought of as an obsessive compulsive person; especially, if that person doesn’t know you that well. They probably won’t want to get to know the real you any time in the near future after one night of drunk texting!

Are You Just A Booty Call?

It’s the weekend, and you know you will get that text message or phone call from him, and you don’t know whether to be pleased or angry. I am talking about the “booty call” or the faux relationship; he never calls or texts you during the week, and when you call or text him, he never replies. /node/47889

But, as soon as the weekend rolls around, it is like clockwork and he texts or calls you exactly when the bars close. And, if he doesn’t, you know you are being replaced for that evening, which infuriates you even more.

When he is with you, he tells you everything you want to hear … that he loves being with you and he has so much fun with you. But he is only with you once or twice a month; this does not make a relationship and you will never change him.

No matter what you do, even if you never text or call him during the week, and you play his game, you will never get him to commit to you. This guy is who I call the non-committal because he likes to play the field and he will continue to play you until you realize that he only wants sex from you.

I had this guy in my life recently and unfortunately for him, I am a bigger player than him. When he texted me to get together, I never responded. Some men like this need a wake-up call, and when they get someone who is similar to them, such as myself, they don’t know how to react. So, this guy will continue to contact me, because I am unattainable to him, which never happens for him. /node/149987

But, ladies who are in this predicament, please know you are worth it for a man to date you more than a night or two a month. So, if there is a guy in your life doing this to you, do your best to cut your losses and move on from him. You do deserve someone to take you out to dinners during the week and on the weekend! /node/153434

Jealousy… How Far Would You Cross The Line?

With jealousy there is always a conflict on what is ok and what is not ok. Some people think it is perfectly fine to check their mates Facebook and emails to see what they are up too. But, why is that ok? Or is it? What boundaries should you not cross in a relationship when it comes to your own jealousy issues?

I have never been a jealous person by nature. I figure if someone is going to cheat or go passed that line of trust they will do it. Regardless, what I say or do they will do it! And if you check their emails and Facebook you are already telling them you don’t trust them. I have never thought it was ok to check my partner’s emails or Facebook. What is the point of doing it? You will see something that will piss you off and it will start a fight over something that may be innocent.

There is always going to be a girl or guy that does not know you are in a relationship. So you can not punish that person for having someone come up to them and ask them out or for their number. Now, of course if they give it to them, then yes be upset. But, when someone is asking; they are in fact just asking! It doesn’t mean they are going to get what they want. But fighting with your mate over something they had no control over is an endless fight. It makes no sense and they have every right to be upset with you for starting something they again had no control over.

Back to checking your mates emails and Facebook; I have friends that have said that they had a relationship end because of their jealousy or because they were checking their mates Facebook 24/7 or checking their emails, if they had their passwords of course. Jealousy is a hard thing to contain and I understand that, but if you really want your partner in your life you will need to learn to fix that!

Most will not deal with crazy antics, because of being jealous. They may deal with it for a while, but in the end that will be the thing that pushes you two apart. If you have no trust in anyone you date, then why date? Trust, is one of the only things that holds a relationship together. Another is communication, so if you have issues with your jealousy, talk it out with your partner so they can know what upsets you and what doesn’t. And if they continue to do what upsets you, maybe you need to find someone who won’t cross that line for you.

Relationship Sabotage

When you hear sabotage you think of a movie or war. You rarely think that you yourself are the one causing the relationship issues in your dating life. And you don’t want to think that the reason you are alone is not because their aren’t any good men, but you are alone because of you. I came to this realization a few months back. I am and have been sabotaging my own relationships and in a sense I am sabotaging my own happiness.

A lot of women I have talked too say that they know exactly what I am talking about when I say relationship sabotage. They first think of the relationships they have ruined because of their own neuroses and their own self esteem issues. A lot of people ruin a good relationship because of them being insecure with themselves.

I am one of those people. I have been independent to a fault and do not know how to allow someone to help me with even the mundane things such as carrying in groceries, walking my dogs for me, or picking up something I need at the store. My last relationship I sabotaged knowingly and completely. I don’t think there was anything else I could have done more thoroughly than ending that relationship.

I decided things for this person even before discussing it with them. I also assumed things that they probably hadn’t even thought about. Because of this we obviously ended the relationship. Well I ended it. Many times. So because I have this issue and acknowledge this I am hoping to change the way I react and think when it comes to relationships.

My biggest fear is abandonment. I have a lot of baggage per say and not many would want to deal with all the things that goes with being in my life. And so as a coping mechanism I push that person so far away that there is no turning back once I am done with them. I have acknowledged this and I want to change this part of my personality so going forward I won’t push the next person away. And hopefully the next guy will accept all of who I am.

Taking A New Relationship Too Fast

When people are just starting to date, most seem to try to take it to the next level too fast. When you have just met someone a month down the line is not the time to start asking “where are we?” and “where is this going?” it’s a moot issue, well it should be. Because at the end of the day, how well do you really know this person? Most are quick to say that I am with so and so and they are my boyfriend/girlfriend, but why are we rushing this most important time in dating? Are we defining relationships too soon?

Defining relationships too soon could be a good indicator that a relationship won’t work!
During the first months of a relationship we are learning about the other person, what they like and what they don’t like. By rushing things along too fast, you are inevitably missing what could be the deal breaker for that relationship. Had you actually taken your time and learned who this person was, you may have saved you and them some grief. In my experience, asking the “where is it going” question too soon isn’t necessary. Friends have asked me when they should ask their partners and I always respond “why do you want to know so soon?” If people took their time with relationships like they do with friendships, then, the divorce rate and cancelled engagements would be greatly decreased.

Dating is a time to enjoy getting to know people again and not have expectations on how things are or how they should be. I do know that love at first sight exists for some, but again, why the rush? Why are we rushing with relationships that are already wonderful the way they are? Taking things slower, helps make the relationship stronger and builds a strong base for the future.

Many who ended up in failed long term relationships and marriages say they wish they would have found out sooner whether a relationship was right for them or not. They feel that had they waited and learned about their partner’s character and personality that perhaps they wouldn’t have moved forward with them. Let’s be honest here, when was the last time you maintained and nurtured a bad friendship just to be included as their maid of honor or best man at their wedding? For this same reason you should start to ask yourself why rush your wedding to the wrong person? Relationships should be a process, take your time and have fun with them!

Stop Over Analyzing

So he hasn’t called you or texted you back in a “reasonable” amount of time, so what do you do? You panic! The reason girls get so flustered and think every man they date is playing games with them is because they are constantly in their heads thinking of reasons why he doesn’t call or text you in a certain amount of time. Women also analyze why men want to spend time with their friends on a certain night instead of hanging out with you.

You need to stop thinking so negatively every time a guy doesn’t do what you want them to do. He doesn’t know how many times a day you want him to contact you. And even if he did, he has a life too, so your idea of how many times he should communicate with you will not always work for him. And it shouldn’t be a prerequisite in your dating life.

Men are pretty simple to understand. If a guy doesn’t contact you, it’s because he either doesn’t have anything to say or he really doesn’t want to contact you. It’s black or white with them. Even if you thought you had the best first meeting with a guy doesn’t mean he thought so too! And if he did have a great time with you then he will contact you and ask for a second meeting. Men like the “hunt” or chase if you will. If there is a woman he is interested in and she contacts him constantly or doesn’t allow him the chase he will get turned off and think you are too clingy and too desperate for a relationship with him.

Men love a confident woman and they hate dealing with jealousy. They like to have a girl who is into them of course, but they want to be the one to show you that he feels you too. They don’t want a girl constantly texting them and you showing them that you undoubtedly find him to be the “one” you have been searching for. In the future let him contact you and if he doesn’t then you know he wasn’t worth your time anyway.

Flirting On Facebook: How Social Media Changed Our Dating Lives

By now, almost everyone has Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram, Vine, etc. So, with all these social media outlets, how does it fair in love? I personally feel like social media has taken over our lives. When you are friends with the guy or girl you are seeing, you scour their Facebook activity to see who is commenting the most on their statuses and if they are of the opposite sex. It’s something many do but beware because this may cause an issue with your new mate.

I have stayed away from being friends with my partner on Facebook. I know most would say by my doing this I will automatically cause a trust issue for my mate, but I don’t feel that it should cause a trust issue. I am trying to prevent the jealousy issue people have when they see men comment or like my status and I have no problem showing my partner my Facebook page when we are together.

I’ve seen so many relationships end because of a comment someone made on a Facebook status. No one can control what other people put on their Facebook or Twitter so there is no reason to get upset about every little comment! Now, if your mate responds in a flirty fashion, then you can tell your partner you’re not ok with what they put as a response.

I think social media has made things harder for people to date and married couples are now making a Facebook page with both of their names, which to me is a waste of time. Why create a new page? That is just time consuming and everyone on your Facebook should know you are married already. And if they don’t, then those people aren’t privy to your life and shouldn’t have access to it anyway.

I’ve known couples where one has a Facebook and the other does not. I think this is the best way to go. Men will always be flirty with women regardless if they know they are with someone or not. I am not sure why this is, but for me, I have always just said thank you or whatever generic response is needed for that situation. I know that not all people will do what I do with regards to Facebook but the important part is that both parties agree to how social media sites are used. Which brings me to subliminal messages on social media.

There are also people who fall victim to social media. I have been the victim of social media and I know a lot of other people who have been victims from it as well. Everyone knows about the Facebook subliminal messaging; people use these after a break up or if they are angry at someone. When this occurs, your entire friends list and anyone who has ever liked the status will now know you have issues in your relationship. I plead to stop doing this! It’s unnecessary and annoying. I don’t want to know that your boyfriend didn’t take out the trash and that you are pissed, and I don’t think anyone else cares that he or she forgot Sweetest Day (which I did this year, sue me it’s not on my calendar)!

Social media will always be here. There is no turning back, but please use it carefully, and remember not to use it when you have been drinking. Even if you delete a status the day after, you have put it up for the world to see and everyone has already seen it by the time you delete it. So please put the phone down while you are drinking or angry. I have told everyone I know that when you are mad, write down what you want to say then wait an hour and go back and look at it. After you go back and look at it you will see that while angry, you are most likely saying the same thing over and over again but in a different ways.

Since social media will be here for years to come and we have learned new things about people we never wanted to know, remember this — it is hard to remove a comment or status even after it has been removed. Everyone’s cell phone and computer signals update at different times and you may not see that status any longer because you are the one who deleted it, but trust me my friend, many others have seen this update, even when you no longer can.

I hope this has been helpful and happy Facebooking!

Blood Type Dating

Here is a new technique to dating. If you are like me, you probably haven’t heard of people dating certain people specific to their blood type. Recently, I learned this new dating phenomenon and the research that goes behind it. I looked up my blood type, and the description of my blood type, and to be honest it was spot on.

According to http://www.datebytype.com, since I am O negative they believe for O negative people they should be with another O negative partner. Here is the breakdown for O negative women. “Women who are O negative seem to have a tougher time getting pregnant than women with other blood types.” Their best bet is an O negative man. Because of their lack of alleles, a man without the alleles matches perfectly and their chance of getting pregnant together is a lot higher than with a man who has the alleles.

O negative women are very headstrong and an O negative man balances them and completes them, while an AB for example might be easy to handle, but not set the premise for a long term fulfilling and exciting marriage. Both O negative men and O negative women are doing best, when the person they are with “gets them” and they can act freely without having to explain themselves within a true connection where trust is a guarantee.

Being very emotional beings, O negative women tend to freak out men other than O’s and that is because they do not hold back their happiness or their frustration. “An O negative couple is the type of couple which moves mountains together, as they both in their unity tend to allow one another to be themselves and catch the other when they feel the other is down, while for example a B positive man would probably miss the signs an O negative man will read naturally.”

As an O negative woman, I do agree with the assessment to an extent. The only downside of trying to date by your blood type is that some people do not even know what their blood type is, which if you do not, I highly recommend finding out. Not only for this new technique in dating, but for your own health awareness. It also begs the question if this is a cut and dry assessment. For instance, with astrology, it is hard to go by someone’s sign, especially if that person was born on the cusp and can have traits from two astrological signs.

It’s an interesting theory, once there is more research and people wanting to use this system, we can learn more about ourselves and how we are with like-minded and like-blood typed people. For more information on your own blood type go to http://www.datebytype.com. Happy Dating!