6 Steps To Achieve Before You Look For Your Life Partner

Dating is a hard thing to do regardless of race, gender, religious backgrounds, etc. But, if you are truly ready to have a partner in your life and are ready for marriage these are the things you need to think of and have in order before you start to look for your partner.

1. Job: Most people have a job, but if it’s not paying you what you will need to survive, do what you have to do and even if that means getting a second job to save up money. You will never regret the money saved while you move up in your work position.

2. We all have debt in some form. Whether that is student loans, credit cards, or maybe you owe family members money. Before you start to think about your partner moving in, please have these paid as much as possible and if you can have them paid off. Your partner won’t want to have that become their problem, just like you wouldn’t want to have their debt be your problem.

3. Of course depending on your age, some people can be different on this, but in my opinion I would like the man to have a home with no roommates and I honestly wouldn’t want them owning a house or condo already. Because if we were to get serious, having to sell off properties takes time and money and that money would be taken away from the home you two would want to purchase together.

4. Have your credit in check! My ex had so many defaults on his student loans I doubt he was even in the 300-400 credit score range. Now sometimes extenuating circumstances do apply, such as a disability or laid off for a time frame. But, not even paying on these, which my ex was not, makes it far worse for you in the future. It takes years to build great credit and if you are close to 30 and have defaults on student loans, not paying your taxes, or paying anything towards your credit, will mean the one who is more responsible will be in control of the finances and that will cause more fights than you two could handle. Also, if you show you do not care about your credit that shows your partner that you are not only not mature enough, but also not trustworthy.

5. Have goals set up. I mean write down 2-3 year plans and 5-10 year plans. Yes, maybe some of these won’t work out, but at least you aren’t living year to year just trying to exist and you are working towards something.

6. Lastly, compromise. Check lists for vanity reasons usually fail, but check lists for life goals usually succeed. So look for someone who has life goals and have plans similar to yours. The common denominator for the two of you will be similarities in life goals.

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Step Parents From Hell, When Blended Families Go Wrong

Having a broken or should I say blended family is normal these days, but what if the person your parent is in love with, isn’t as he appears. My intuition has always been spot on, my Mom’s not so much. So when I met him for the first time, the man she was dating, in less than 5 minutes I knew he wasn’t a good guy. After the meeting I told my Mom to run as fast as she could in the other direction, I was only 17 at the time and knew this relationship would be tumultuous at best.

The relationship went from casual dating, to him and his three children moving in, in a matter of a few months. That first time they moved in, it lasted two weeks. I told my Mom it was them or me. Then my Mom had a crazy idea that she and I should buy a house together. I had just turned 18 and had a great job, making more money than some 30 year olds. I thought I might as well help her and buy a house with her. She promised me that he wouldn’t move in, while the house was in my name. He moved in 4 weeks later unofficially of course. Then he was officially moved in with his 17 year old daughter and his other two kids came every other weekend 6 months later.

At this time I was going through a lot of health issues. I was having surgery after surgery and was on disability more often than not. After I had my first back surgery and was recovering, mind you I was still paying a third of the household expenses, he told my Mom that I needed to get out of my bed and help them clean up after my dog. I had just had a lumbar fusion on 2 levels and he was expecting me to clean up after my dogs.

This was the running theme when I would have surgery. He expected and even had my Mom convinced that in 2 weeks I should be back to normal. After having a few knee surgeries and back surgeries, he told my Mom he thought I was physically dislocating my knee, so I could have surgery again and be off work. He basically made it out to seem I was crazy and had munchausen syndrome. I actually started to believe I was crazy. I kept having surgeries that wouldn’t fix me and I would be under the knife again within months of repairing the same thing.

I found out when I was 25 years old that I had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder, it basically means my collagen, which collagen is everything in your body, joints, bones, skin, tendons, ligaments, organs, etc was defective, and the collagen is loose meaning we tear and dislocate things easily. After this diagnosis he still thought I was purposely having surgeries to not work. Mind you I had worked since I was 12 and wished I could still be working and have some semblance of a life, instead of my life in my bed.

My Mom knew I depised this man, so while they were on a vacation they eloped. When she came home to tell me, I lost it and screamed for her to get my name off of the house. I knew he was going to screw with her finances even more so than he already had. She knew she would have to elope, because I would have objected had they had a real wedding.

My Mom and him fought a lot, mostly about me and money. He supposedly didn’t have enough money to pay the third of the bills, which was $525 a month, because of his spousal and child support. So my Mom and I were basically paying for him and his baggage. She kicked him out multiple times and let him come back multiple times. I started to realize that no matter what he did, she would forgive him.

In 2009, my Mom and him were having a huge fight. I heard glass breaking and thought he was hurting her, he had already had 2 domestic violence charges on his record. The first one was never known about until the second one happened. Back to the fight, I ran into their room and got in his face. He pushed me into their closet door which dislocated my shoulder. I thought then she would divorce him. She didn’t.

I ended up moving exactly 29 days after that incident. I was so desperate to get out of that house I went onto a website to find a roommate and found a nice girl who lived in Columbus. I got lucky that she was a great person, because living with someone you have no idea who they are, isn’t exactly comforting and it was scary in the beginning, never knowing if she was an ax murderer or had some crazy quirk.

My Mom’s husband was then fired from his job, that he had had for over 20 years. He thought it was a perfectly sane idea to put a noose on his desk. Which obviously offended many people. So he was terminated. He did find another job, but was not making the money he had been. My Mom had spent so much of her money and her credit cards were maxed out. She also had to be put on disability, because she was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, as well as neuropathy. He swore up and down that he had no money to help her pay her credit cards, so she wouldn’t have to file bankruptcy.

He refused to help her, even though she had helped him financially for the whole 10 years they were together. She started to realize it was time to divorce him. She kicked him out and started the divorce proceedings. She came across his records in his desk and found out he had over 80 grand in IRA’s and savings, he had it all along, and when she needed his help, he refused. But, took her and my money willingly.

She didn’t make out very well in the divorce, even with her being disabled. In the city she lives in it’s a man’s world and they made her look like a shopaholic and not responsible enough. He tried to take the house, even though it was a premarital asset, since she and I bought it together before I transferred the deed to her and they refinanced together. They have been divorced one year and he is behind on spousal support and owes over 20 grand and is in contempt of court again.

Recently, my Mom filed contempt charges and we are awaiting the court date. But, in the midst of all this I went up to my Mom’s attic to grab my childhood toys and other pictures and learned they were missing. He had thrown them away. So my childhood memories were taken because of a sociopath who wanted to hurt myself and my Mom. He always had a weird fixation on me. He used to say he would video tape me in the shower and talk about sex to me. He also beat my two dogs, because they were mine. He also threatened to bury nails in the backyard, so if my German Shepard dug into the yard she would hurt her paws on them. He also wrote in his journal about my daily activities.

I was hopeful when they divorced that this would be over and we could move on and never mention the man’s name again. Unfortunately, I know it will be a long time before his name can be forgotten. I feel bad for my Mom, because she is such a trusting and caring person, she helped him when no one else could or would and he screwed her over. The Webster dictionary really should have his picture next to the term narcissism and sociopath. He is now about to move in with his new girlfriend. I pray for her. She’s going to need it.

Mobile Dating Apps, Do They Work? Updated!

This past week I found a new mobile dating application that someone wanted me to try called The Circle. This application is supposed to find friends who are close to the same location as you and of course anyone with that application can see everyone who is close to them. I, being the inquisitive person I am, downloaded it and saw all my usual Facebook friends on it. So I thought, ‘OK it’s just another way to get in contact with friends. Wrong.

Five minutes into downloading this application I started getting notifications from people I have never met and they started sending me messages. I love meeting new people, but I started to realize that only men (and the occasional woman) were going to be messaging me. My first message was from this guy, we will call him Thomas. He started with the standard questions of what I did for a living (even though it is posted on my page) and what I liked to do outside of work and then… BAM! Do you have a boyfriend, what are your measurements, are you looking for a boyfriend, when can we hang out, what is your favorite color. Yeah that last one shocked me too.

Ask Intelligent Questions!

A day into this mobile dating application, I received 45 messages from men and 119 profile views from random people. Now I ask you— how is anyone single when you have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, The Circle, and all the other applications that we can download just for the heck of it? But the reason people can still be single, myself included, is because people ask us questions like Thomas did. Is there any tact? Is there anything else that men want to know from us besides my favorite color? And of course if I want a boyfriend? What the heck am I back in middle school?

All of these applications are just another way for men to accost women with stupid questions and it’s another way for women to be rejected by the men we actually like. Needless to say I removed the application from my phone. But I am still hopeful that people will realize that we want better questions than what is your favorite color! And I would hope that if you actually wanted to date me, and not just sleep with me, that my favorite color being blue is not something you want to know or even need to know after you find out my name and my measurements!

Now, we have the Tinder App, I must say Tinder is actually one of the best mobile dating apps, and the reason I like it is because you can select who will contact you. On all the other dating apps anyone can message you at any time and that can be annoying especially when you have no intentions of talking to that person. The only downside to Tinder is that there are a lot of people who are on there just swiping right, indicating that yes you think that person is your type, but then not contacting them. I have a lot of friends using Tinder and are upset they took the effort to swipe right and when you message them you get no response. What is the point of you being on a dating app and selecting someone you think is attractive, but never talking to them? If this is something you do, please remove the app! There are people out there who are really looking for love, and if you aren’t one of those people kindly log off.

Friends With Benefits

Some’s intuition is better than others. But, when you are dealing with love and relationships it is always best to go with your gut intuition. I know many women and men who had an intuition who they were with, weren’t right for them and then look back and wish they wouldn’t have wasted their time on that relationship.

My intuition has been pretty spot on. Sometimes, I have listened to it and sometimes I pushed it back for a while, but it never fails what I thought in the first few weeks or even the first day. I have friends right now who are all in different places in their lives with relationships. Myself I am pretty content where I am with my guy. But some of my friends bide their times with someone or should I say anyone because their lives don’t have time for much, but a friends with benefits situation.

Everyone goes through this situation in their lives. Whether early on or constantly throughout their lives depending on what is going on with their life. I have done the friends with benefits and it worked for the most part because I had no time but for the occasional get together. But, I did not ever think that I could turn that benefit situation into a relationship. That has become the difference between me and my friends.

I can handle friends with benefits pretty easily. It takes no effort on my part to handle that type of relationship. I do not ever want more or less and it just works for me. But, a lot of girls or even my friends depending how long they have been with that “friend” they start to think or should I say their ego thinks that they may want to proceed with a relationship with this person.

Now with friends with benefits this is not supposed to be a fuzzy situation! You both agreed in the beginning to the terms and trying to change those terms midway through or even after a couple of months you may see that it wasn’t going to work regardless if you kept it the same way or changed it. Your first thinking on that person and what you wanted is usually what will remain. Habits early in a relationship are hard to break and if you start changing things, one of you won’t be able to deal with it. So if you want a friends with benefits know that that’s exactly what it is! Regardless, if you see them with someone else!

Why You Shouldn’t Update Your Relationship Status

It has come to my attention that my generation believes if a relationship is not “Facebook official,” then the relationship is not real. This means that if the “in a relationship” box is not checked off on a profile, then the relationship is nonexistent.

When did Facebook take over our lives? Why is it that if something happens to us — whether it’s something funny, sad or mean — we go to Facebook first to let our “friends” know? Why has Facebook taken over our lives, and most importantly, our relationships?

Remember when we had to pick up the phone to discuss something with someone, or discussed the issue in person? While it is great that social networking has advanced, our conversations have become so impersonal that we do not know if a friend’s Facebook status should be taken seriously. /node/129595

How did we resort to using Facebook and Twitter to find out about the latest gossip surrounding our friends? Why is it okay that we have allowed technology and social networking to rule our lives?

Facebook and Twitter can be a great tool to tell people things without contacting them individually. However, telling everyone on Facebook that you are pregnant before telling the father is wrong on so many levels.

We have been conditioned to check our Facebook profiles and newsfeeds every second of the day, and now, even our cell phones have the capability to update Facebook and Twitter simultaneously.

Have we become lazy? Technological advancements have created simpler methods of doing things to save time and energy. For some tasks, this is a great thing, but what are we teaching the children of the next generation? … that your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is not real unless it is posted on Facebook?
We have become so subdued that when Facebook changes a feature, my newsfeed fills with complaints about it for several hours. Lets face it, that change is the most important thing of the day for everyone. Heaven forbid we start thinking about the important things that seldom make someone’s status update, such as the country’s overwhelming debt and the wars that are being fought throughout the world. /node/146018

Being “Facebook official” is a concept that I do not agree with because in a few weeks, your relationship status will go back to “single.” So, why bother? It only takes a few seconds to go from being in a relationship to being single. Why let everyone know? It is not like Facebook makes or breaks a relationship. However, if you put more emphasis on being “Facebook official,” than you do on your actual relationship, it will.

5 Undeniable Signs He Is Just Using You.

Men and women often want different things from their relationships. If you’re emotionally involved with a guy, it’s possible that he might not feel as deeply. We have all dealt with this at some point in our relationships; the fear or realization that he’s just using me for sex.

Here’s a bit of relationship advice and a few signs to look for if you’re skeptical that he may not care as much about your hopes, dreams and personality as he does your compatibility in the bedroom. Some of the signs are easy to overlook, but don’t discount them! Both his words and his actions are important to watch for as you decide if he’s in it to win it, or just in it for a good time.

1. He only comes late at night.
Now, I know sometimes men will come over after a night of bar hopping with his buddies, but if he is only making that call when he’s drinking and it is late, you should know he isn’t interested in anything but a sexual relationship. A man who cares about you for you will want to spend time with you in the light of day, and without the lubrication of alcohol.

2. He always cancels plans with you.
You’re looking forward to hanging out together, but as soon as you are supposed to see him, he sends you a text saying he has to cancel. This isn’t just disappointing, it’s rude! You are worth having someone show up on time and actually stick to their word! Do not make excuses for him constantly canceling; it’s his cowardly way of showing you he’s not interested.

3. He never takes you out in public.
Just as important as his willingness to see you in the daytime, a man you’re dating should be excited about taking you out! No excuses on this one: if you two never leave the house, you need to start asking yourself why that is. It’s fun to get lost in the sheets together sometimes, but you should also both enjoy a walk in the park or a dinner at a restaurant.

4. He tells you everything you want to hear, but doesn’t show you the things he says.
Actions speak louder than words, so if he’s just filling you up with charming and charismatic words, without proving what he says is true, it’s time to move on.

5. He is standoffish.
He knows everything about you, but your knowledge of him is limited. Relationships are for learning about each other and seeing if you two are compatible. If he tells you very little about himself, he’s either hiding something or he just doesn’t want you to know him. Maybe he doesn’t think you’re compatible for the long-term, or just doesn’t want to put in the effort because he knows he’s going to move on before you gets too comfortable.

It’s easy to ignore these signs, especially when you feel attached or excited about a potential new partner. But the fact is that if he’s displaying any of these traits, he is just using you for sex and does not want a relationship with you. Even though it may hurt to admit this, you deserve more than someone who doesn’t care about you.