We didn’t want the same things. I realize just because it wasn’t what I wanted, didn’t make it wrong.
When you break up with someone you have the time to reflect. You look back at every decision, fight, and smile of your life together. Looking back now, I realize that I was trying to change him and change his way of thinking. Not to just change his thinking, but to change his personality and that was never going to work. He always complained about his job, he always told me his parents treated him like crap and by the looks of his finances I knew he was under paid at his parents business or lived way above his means.
Me being who I am, I tried to fix it. I showed him other companies and the salaries that were in our city and what they paid for his specific job title and job description. To say he was under paid is putting it lightly. When you’re in a family business the dynamics are heightened. Every issue you have outside the business creeps in. You end up fighting about personal issues and there are no boundaries set up because you are family. He quit one day when his dad was being difficult. Of course he went back the very next day, but he was showing me he was unhappy. And when I’m unhappy the logical thing I think to do is to change what is making me unhappy. He on the other hand had no problem with being miserable. Or maybe he knew he was going to be unhappy with his job and that is just the way it would be?
We had many issues, but because I’m a fixer I tried my best to show him another way. Of course he never listened to my ideas. He took them in, but nothing ever changed. And his bitching continued, every single. freaking. day.
And now a year later, I realize he didn’t want it to change. When most people are extremely unhappy they figure out a way to change it. But there is that small percentage of people that just go with the flow and bitch about it all along the way. Knowing that it changes nothing.
I realize now he and I never would have made it. I’m someone who is determined to succeed and help as many people as I can along the way. He is perfectly content working a low paying job and going out every weekend and getting drunk.
I know now that even though that is not a life I would want, it is a life that some people are ok with. Living pay check to pay check and essentially just existing, but content in their world. I realized after the back and forth, push-pull that was our relationship, that it is ok that he only wants what he has. He will find someone who is just as content at having a job that may not pay for vacations to see the world, but their bills are somewhat paid and they have beer money. He will find a woman who is ok having a drink everyday and has no remorse when that headache, that will inevitably show up, rears its ugly head.
I learned that what is good for him, didn’t have to be good for me, and that is ok, but it essentially meant we couldn’t be together. I need to know that if the shit hits the fan I either have savings to turn to or my great credit to get a loan. And in his life he had neither and never even thought about those things. So through the deterioration of what was our relationship, I learned that it is ok that he is fine with how his life is. And just because it’s not for me doesn’t make it wrong, right, or indifferent. It just makes us incompatible and that is ok too.
As you get older, that knowledge you’ve gained along the way really helps you know what to wait for, what to work towards, and why you should never settle for less than what you deserve or for what you want in life. Life is short and you should experience every thing you have your heart set on. And in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”