8 Red Flags He’s Using You For Sex

YIKES.

Men and women often want different things from their relationships. If you’re emotionally involved with a guy, it’s possible that he might not feel as deeply. We have all dealt with this at some point in our relationships — the fear or realization that he’s just using me for sex.

Here’s a bit of relationship advice and a few signs to look for if you’re skeptical that he may not care as much about your hopes, dreams and personality as he does your compatibility in the bedroom:

1. He only comes by late at night

Now, I know sometimes men will come over after a night of bar hopping with his buddies, but if he is only making that call when he’s drinking and it is late, you should know he isn’t interested in anything but a sexual relationship. A man who cares about you for you will want to spend time with you in the light of day, and without the influence of alcohol.

2. He always cancels plans with you.

You’re looking forward to hanging out together, but as soon as you are supposed to see him, he sends you a text saying he has to cancel. This isn’t just disappointing, it’s rude! You are worth having someone show up on time and actually stick to their word. Don’t make excuses for him — if it’s a habit, it’s his cowardly way of showing you he’s not interested.

3. He never takes you out in public.

Just as important as his willingness to see you in the daytime, a man you’re dating should be excited about taking you out. No excuses on this one — if you two never leave the house, you need to start asking yourself why that is. It’s fun to get lost in the sheets together sometimes, but you should also both enjoy a walk in the park or a dinner at a restaurant.

4. He tells you everything you want to hear, but doesn’t show you the things he says.

Actions speak louder than words, so if he’s just filling you up with charming and charismatic words, without proving what he says is true, it’s time to move on.

5. He is standoffish.

He knows everything about you, but your knowledge of him is limited. Relationships are for learning about each other and seeing if you two are compatible. If he tells you very little about himself, he’s either hiding something or he just doesn’t want you to know him.

Maybe he doesn’t think you’re compatible for the long-term, or just doesn’t want to put in the effort because he knows he’s going to move on before you gets too comfortable.

6. He only texts you about sex.

How many sexts do you have from him on your phone? Or how many dick pics? (Men, stop sending those if we haven’t asked for them!) It’s a tell tale sign that he’s only interested in your body — not your mind.

7. You haven’t met his friends and/or he hasn’t met yours.
Wikia

If you two have only been at each other’s houses and haven’t met any of his friends, this proves he’s hiding his true intentions he has with you. A guy looking for more than sex will want to show you off.

8. He still has all of his dating apps.

You’ve been “seeing” him for a few months and he still has every dating app and you can see he’s active on them. This one should be obvious.

It’s easy to ignore these signs, especially when you feel attached or excited about a potential new partner. But the fact is, if he’s displaying any (or ALL) of these traits, he is just using you for sex and does not want a relationship with you.

Even though it may hurt to admit this, you deserve more than someone who doesn’t care about you beyond your favorite sex positions.The red flags you are ignoring when he only wants you for sex.

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Why I Choose To Be Happy

 

You can choose your attitude, but only you can do it, no one else has the power except you.

As most know, I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, when I was 25 years old. I have had 56 surgeries correcting what my body does naturally. In the beginning pre-diagnosis, I was having the bulk of my surgeries and each doctor’s visit was a new diagnosis and a new struggle I knew I would have once they put it out there, that I had something new another label. I am a firm believer that once you believe something to be true, it does become a truth. I try not to allow someone else to “label” me, that is my job and God’s job.

Between the doctors visits and medications they throw at you, I know better than anyone it is hard to shut your mind off from your illness and the constant reminders that you are ill. I was in that spot once too. I thought about my illness every waking moment. I would start conversations about it with random people at the grocery store, just to talk about it once more. I was a walking pity party! No one wanted to be around me because I was so negative and unhappy. I would tell friends I couldn’t do something even without knowing if that was true. I tricked myself into thinking my bed and tv was the extent of activity I could subject my body to. But, in reality, it wasn’t my body struggling with what was happening to it, it was my mind.

I literally stayed in my bed for over 7 years, having surgery after surgery, being on the highest pain medications they could give me, and taking them around the clock. My life was revolved around my illness and the pain I felt. I was consumed with my surgeries and why they weren’t working. Had I stopped and looked at the past surgeries objectively, I would have realized a lot sooner that the surgeries were hurting me, more than helping. I lost my friends, I was on disability from my job more often than not. I had no love prospects and I didn’t even think I could find someone who could handle my depressing life. I mean I wouldn’t have even dated me had I been the guy. I was completely depressed and consumed with all things pain and surgery. I didn’t go outside unless I had a doctor appointment. And I definitely didn’t socialize with anyone but my doctors. I was literally just existing and that isn’t the life I was supposed to live or anyone for that matter.

It’s now 2016, I see 2 doctors, versus the 14 I saw for 10 plus years. I am active everyday. I walk on the treadmill every day and I am dating and enjoying what my life consists of and the pain, fatigue and dislocations that I still suffer from are such a small part of it. Those things are going to happen whether I am happy or depressed, but I would rather face these obstacles with a happy heart than a depressed one. It takes work on your part and it won’t change overnight, but if you retrain your mind you will be able to have your life back, just like I was able to.

I started thinking about the things I did before I had any of the surgeries. I always loved to read, but I never actually sat down and wrote anything outside of a paper for a class. Writing and the treadmill have become my happy place and my complete release from the stress and the constant pain. It is true what they say, that working out boosts your endorphins and releases serotonin in the brain which is just like taking an anti depressant, but through a natural way versus adding another medication. I am still in pain, but I force my mind to think of other things. If I am having a bad day and I lay down in my bed, the pain intensifies because your mind is 100% focused on the pain and your mind can trick you to make it appear worse than it actually is.

Refocusing my mind and writing down my goals and my desires for my life have been a God-send. Yes, I still have depressing thoughts sometimes, this technique isn’t a cure-all, but it will help immensely once you start writing it down every single day in a journal. Write down who you wanted to be when you were dreaming and imagining as a child. What were your goals? What did you want to be before society pressures changed it? Live the life you always wanted to and obtain the life you wanted before the societal pressures, family pressures, illness and pain came into your life. You can obtain that life, it will take a lot of work, but it will always be worth it. Choose to be happy and yes it is a choice!