Update!

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long absence. I was recovering from losing my son and trying to finish my book Dating While Disabled, which I am proud to say it will be out February 14th 2017!

Here is a new interview I gave about autism and dating and about my book!

http://webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/2016/12/05/a-new-spin-on-autism-answers-dating-for-autism-and-other-differentabilities/

 

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I Lost My Son At 5 Months Pregnant.

I slowly watched as the life I thought I would have, slowly slip away one tear at a time.

My life came crashing down when I heard those two words, no heartbeat. No one can prepare you for this moment. There are no words that can be spoken to comfort you. You have to sit there and just take it. I looked around each face and saw their pity in their eyes. At almost 5 months you’re given the false hope that everything will be ok, because you made it passed that 3 month mark, but in my case that 3 month mark was a false sense of security.

I got pregnant when I first met him. It wasn’t my original plan to choose him, but subconsciously I did. At 33 and single you start to realize how little time you have left if you did want to have a child. In this day in age, having a child out of wedlock is accepted, at least more so than decades ago. We had a chemistry I hadn’t had in a long time. It was comfortable and just so damn easy. Hell, if I didn’t know that we had just met, I would have assumed we knew each other for years.

Had I not become pregnant that night, I think he and I might have dated. Maybe we would have made it as a couple, maybe we wouldn’t have, but we will never know because in this short span of 6 months I saw the real him in a crisis and it was not a pretty sight.

I knew I was pregnant, that mothers intuition strong within me. And I knew I wouldn’t be bringing him home one day, but I was going to try my damnedest to try to prevent what my intuition already knew. I told the father right before Easter, which wasn’t good timing on my part, since he was Catholic, but I knew there wasn’t going to be a good time to tell a 27 year old that his life was about to change in as little time as it took to write a text message. He and I had texted each other the week before about us seeing each other soon, which never happened. Which would become the beginning of a lot of broken promises from him. I was trying not to have to text him this news, but his actions prevented that. So I had to do the only other option, which was to text him.

His response was typical for an immature guy. And I expected nothing less than more promises from him and then all of them broken in quick succession. But, I still wanted him! As a relationship coach, he was showing every red flag in the book and still I fell for him. Partly because of our connection and the rest because of Xavier Eliot, our son who I found out was a boy due to a test I was made to have due to extra amniotic fluid around his neck. If I could go back to that day when they found that fluid, I would have told my doctors I didn’t care if that extra fluid meant Down syndrome or another genetic disorder. It wouldn’t have matter to me what my baby had, I would have kept him regardless.

Each ultrasound and each test I had to do, I did alone. The father not wanting to make this “situation” real, so he avoided every aspect of what showed him that it was a reality. As my stomach grew and my heart swelled for the love I had for my unborn child, so did my hope the father would come around. I wanted so badly to see the person I thought I had that first night. But he would never reappear or maybe this was the real him all along?

The day I found out Xavier had passed on was the day I had my 3D/4D scan with my family and friends in attendance. I went to a place my friend worked at and I thank god for that now. I lay on the folded out chair seeing the baby on a huge screen and even I saw the amount of swelling on the screen. My stomach dropping as I think to myself, this doesn’t look right. My friend after what felt like an hour says to me, you need to get checked out, I’m not getting a heartbeat. Survival mode kicked in. My mind racing with so many details and possible movement I thought I had felt over the past few days. Didn’t I just feel him move? Or was that a week ago? 2 weeks? She’s wrong, she has to be wrong. So many thoughts, so many questions that she and even I couldn’t answer.

I called my high risk doctor on call and was instructed to go to labor and delivery at Ohio State University. I immediately knew this wasn’t going to be a welfare check and them tell me something different. I was lucky to have one of my best friends go with me. Had she not gone with me I do not know how that would have gone by myself.

I arrived at Ohio State and recounted the events so far. I must have told my story over and over to each new face I met at the hospital. Even I was getting sick of hearing this story, my story. Every nurse that came in was trying to make small talk and had my friend not been there I probably would have told them where to go with their small talk. I was there for one reason and it was not to hear their stories of how their days were going.

The first doctor came in and tried to find his heartbeat, all the while I’m thinking how hard can it be to find? The longer they made me wait, the longer I had to sit there and deal with something I didn’t want to deal with. The doctor said she needed another set of eyes to make sure and luckily or unluckily the next doctor was quicker. She confirmed he had passed on, most likely a week or two before. And that’s when the tears that had been waiting patiently for this news came out fast and furious.

Of course the first thing I thought of was how I was going to be able to deal with this. And deal with it alone. The next thought I had was about the father, thinking he got his wish. He wished this away and he got it.

I was asked if I wanted to be induced and give birth or if I wanted a D&E which is similar to a D&C, but a little different given how far along I was. I knew if I gave birth, my already raging hormones would double and I didn’t think I could handle seeing him like that. So I opted for the lesser evil in this situation.

Three days later I was scheduled for the removal of Xavier. I felt like a fraud walking around everywhere looking pregnant and honestly the procedure was welcomed so I would stop getting asked how my pregnancy was going. I just had my maintenance man at my complex ask how I was on the same day I found out that I lost Xavier. I don’t know who was more mortified when he asked that question and got my response?

With my basic survival instincts kicked in on overdrive; my mind just wanted this over with. I wanted to go back to February when I was in the best shape of my life and to that moment the father and I met for the first time so I could rewrite that history and choose differently. I prayed to go back and never have met him. I prayed for Xavier to still be kicking me and have that feeling that he was safe again. So many emotions, so many thoughts. Your mind isn’t supposed to compute this many extremes. But in a time like this, that’s all it can do.

I so badly just needed the father, no matter how he felt about me or Xavier, to hold me and let me cry. While I was going through hell, he got to act like nothing had changed. He hadn’t told his family, nor his friends. I had never hated someone so much in my life and at the same time care for him deeply. When you’re pregnant the attachment you can feel for the father is mind boggling, especially in a situation as precarious and confusing as mine was.

It’s been one month since Xavier has passed. The cremation and the picking of the urn and necklaces was completed. The father, being absent from everything else, actually made it to the planning of the cremation. Which surprised me. What surprised me more was that he purchased a necklace for himself. Which I have no doubt will sit in a box in his closet, never to be thought of again.

To my fellow moms out there, and don’t let anyone tell you any different. You are a mother, you just have to wait to hold your baby. But, one day you will hold him and when you do hold him tight and never let go.

The healing begins for me. My heart is broken by this and by the fathers lack of presence and support. My stomach is almost gone and Mother Nature was kind enough to remind me very quickly that I’m no longer pregnant. Because miscarriages and still births are rarely spoken about or written about; I wanted to share my story so other women can see they are not alone. If you need to cry, cry. If you want to yell at God, then yell at him. Do you feel like punching something? Then punch something! Put your anger and frustrations out there to the universe. Because if you don’t, the emotions you feel will come out in other unhealthy ways. Take as much time as you need. There is no timeline for grieving the loss of your baby. I didn’t cry much that first week, instead I put my frustrations into going to the gym, but I still needed a release. And crying was the only way to get it. Even if it meant I would cry for days, it needed to happen. I still feel numb as if this was just a dream, but if this taught me anything about this experience, it is that I love myself enough to make it through this. Even if that means making it through this alone. And especially when the one person who should have been there to hold my hand wasn’t.

 

6 Games You Are Playing That Will Push Him Away Permanently!

Games are best left on the field and not in your dating life.

Play At Your Own Risk!!

1. You tell them it’s ok to go out with his friends, but once he comes back you are cold and distant. You can’t expect him to understand this tactic and I know most girls just can’t believe that he actually left you that night for their friends. You think he should just know that you wanted him to stay in with you. He isn’t a mind reader and if you think he is going to miss an opportunity to hang with his boys, you are sadly mistaken.

2. You’re happy one second and then a second later you’re pissed off. I never really understood why women do this? Maybe they think it’s a sense of control, but all you are doing is making him question everything you have said and done during your time together. Which may lead him to rethinking your relationship and it’s status. Be careful with this tactic, because one minute you can be “in a relationship” and the next “it’s complicated.”

3. You two have been texting consistently for weeks now and then all of a sudden you decide to wait hours to respond or even a day. This is another push/pull control tactic and depending on the length of your relationship and your age, just know you should have stopped doing this in middle school or even freshman year of high school. If he messages you, respond in a acceptable amount of time. You do not have to respond right away, but at least respond within an hour or less.

4. Them canceling plans you have had for weeks for him to meet your friends or family. I had a boyfriend who was supposed to meet my father and my step mom and then at the last minute he decided going on a boat with his friends was more important. He was basically living in my apartment at the time, so by him doing this, I knew it was time to guard my heart. If you have plans that have been in place for a week or longer, never cancel those plans! By canceling, you are showing them that it isn’t important to you to meet them. It’s ok to be scared, but talk to her about your fears instead of blowing her off. Communication is key to a successful relationship. You need to assure them that your family or friends with love them and that your family will be trying to make them feel comfortable, not uncomfortable.

5. He hasn’t responded to your last message and so you are over analyzing everything you have said and did in the past day or week. But, when he does respond and you breathe that sigh of relief, instead of responding right away, your insecurities get the best of you, so you decide to repay the favor and not respond. Sometimes we get busy and we cannot respond right away. Now, I know with texting everyone thinks that you should always be able to respond even if it’s a “brb” text. But guess what? Their life does not revolve around you, so they may in fact be busy or they could very well be playing the exact same game.

6. You’re out with your friends and you see your boyfriend or girlfriend out with their friends and instead of going up to them and acting normal, you ignore them. By ignoring them you are embarrassing yourself and them. This isn’t high school where you think that the guy has to approach you first. If you are dating and you see them out, regardless of where, say hi! It makes things less awkward and by acknowledging them you are showing them that you really are invested in the relationship.

Playing games will only get you so far and as a relationship coach, I can tell you that none of these tactics work! They actually will have the opposite effect and then you are the jealous ex looking at their social media accounts to try to get a glimpse of the life you could have had, had you not been the crazy girl or the crazy guy.

This Is Why You Should Always Have A Prenuptial Agreement

Marriage is not just about love, it is also a business arrangement.

Everyone has their own opinions on prenuptial agreements and question if they send a bad precedent before marriage. But, divorce is a possibility whether you would want to address those feelings now or not. Life has no guarantees and there is no way to know if 2 or 10 years down the road you decide the marriage is not repairable. When you get married, you never want to think about the possibility of it ending, but with the divorce rate being so high, it is something that every pre-marriage phase couples need to think about and give credence to.

If a marriage doesn’t work out, the likelihood of it being a cordial break up and everyone agreeing on every little thing, is slim to none. Sure, there are a select few who can accomplish an amicable divorce, but more often than not there is going to be some resentment and angry feelings involved, especially for the person who was dumped. They will have a major hit to their ego and instead of being logical about their feelings, they will direct their anger towards getting their exes back anyway possible. Divorce becomes revenge and anything you two had discussed before with regards to the marriage not working out, goes out the window. Every couple says in the beginning if things do not work out, I will not fight with you or I will not take this or take that. And then the gloves come off and it’s everyone for them self. Even the attorneys will get nasty and become too emotionally involved.

I have seen every end of the spectrum when it comes to divorce. You have mutual break ups, the extremely angry break ups, and the starting out mutual, only to turn into a battle until even the toothbrush is accounted for. This is why pre-nups are such a necessary asset pre-marriage. You can put everything in this legal document and no matter who breaks up with whom, the pre-nup will stand. It is very rare that a judge goes against the original pre-nup legal document.

I know some people think that this process is unromantic and that it brings down the happy celebratory vibe you two have. My response to that is, it only has that effect on your situation because you are allowing it to. All you are doing, is laying out every asset you have and making sure you are protected down the road and that your kids are protected if you choose to have them or already have them. So put the romance feelings aside, it’s just smart to have one set up regardless if you are wealthy or not. Plus have you ever entered into a financial arrangement without a contract? You probably haven’t, so why forgo a prenup when it does involve everything you own? Which ever you decide, always remember: There is a difference between marrying the love of your life and divorcing the man you thought was the love of your life.

This Is Why I Ghost

Text response is declined.

As a relationship coach, I will get a lot of flack for admitting that I ghost, but hear me out. Ghosting, is when you are speaking to someone and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM! They are never to be heard from again. You start to over-analyze every little thing you said and did the last time you talked to them or saw them. But, more often than not, the real reason they ghosted has a lot more to do with what they know of your character than them being an asshole.

I have always been very blunt and to the point, some can handle it and some cannot. But, if I stop having feelings for someone I will always slowly but surely stop responding, reason being is I have tried it both ways. I have always been upfront and honest that I like someone else or if I just do not think I am compatible with him anymore. And each time I took the awkward, but respectful way and go out of my way and tell them why I am not feeling them anymore, I would get so many obscenities sent my way.

I have been ghosted on too so it doesn’t matter who you are, you will get ghosted at least once in your life. I had one guy who said he hated ghosting and that if we were ever incompatible to please tell him. He had someone he liked ghost him and so he knew how bad it felt. He even said if she would have sent a text to me; that would have been better than silence. He and I were doing ok and everything appeared to be going well and then he just stopped responding. I even sent him a text saying, “Hey, if you met someone that is perfectly ok, just let me know” I received no response from him. So I let it go. That Friday, I am walking my dogs and guess who is outside my building with beer and trying to get into my gated community? Yep, it was the ghoster. What’s hilarious is the new girl he was dating lived in my exact building, we have 8 buildings in my complex so there’s karma for ya.

So as you can see ghosting sometimes has to occur and yes it is still immature and if the world were an expert on communication then we would never have to come up with these ridiculous terms, but with technology advancing everyday, expect ghosting to happen more and more, unfortunately it is here to stay. Just remember when you do it karma always comes back around.

Dating While Disabled

I’m happy to announce my book, Dating While Disabled will be out soon! It was slated for October 25th, but due to higher demands, I’m releasing it in June! Stay tuned for launch dates in the coming month!

Dating While Disabled will cover all of your dating needs! It will go over everything you and your partner or potential partner will need to know about dating someone with an illness!

Stay Tuned! Happy Dating!!

What a sex coach actually does.

For the past few months I have been bombarded with questions on what my job actually entails, so today I am going to explain the ins and outs of my job, pun intended.

First off, I DO NOT have sex with my clients. Nor do I use my body to show them what I am speaking about and no I do not use my hands to show them how to masturbate correctly. Now, there are sex coaches who do this and I am not knocking what they do professionally, but I never wanted to be that type of sex coach. Later this year I will be taking classes to be a certified clinical sexologist which covers a wide range of topics, such as: psychology, sex abuse, sexual dysfunctions, legal and unethical practices, etc. I also will be getting my sex educator certificate. As you can see there are a wide variety of topics when it comes to sex. And sex is the only thing in this country or even abroad that isn’t taught, your ideas of what a woman or man likes all comes from secondhand knowledge, which can be from past sex partners, friends, or even family.

I wanted to change how the topic of sex is viewed and for sex to become less awkward for parents and their kids/teens to bring sex up without skirting over the major points that need to be talked about. With so many sexually transmitted diseases and incorrect information on protection, it is necessary to discuss it at length, regardless of the persons comfort levels. The percentage rates of HPV, Herpes, and other highly contracted STD’s could go down with the correct information and training being shared to the public. Young adults and even most adults think they are invincible and will not contract a STD, but it’s that ignorance that causes the statistics to skyrocket.

So no matter what you may think of my job, please be safe. If not for yourself, do it for your partner. They shouldn’t have to deal with a lifelong decision that you made without their knowledge or consent just because you think you are superman or superwoman for those 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Happy Dating and remember to WRAP IT UP!!

Use These Tips To Give Your Man The Best Blowjob Of His Life

Every man loves getting a blowjob, but you might have been doing it wrong all along.

We all know men love blow jobs or they are sometimes called fellatio. But, knowing how to do them right is something women have struggled to master. I am going to give you a few tips on giving a great blow job to keep your man happy and keep running back for more.

I have always been a fan of the blow job, but I do have an oral fixation so it has come naturally to me and with a lot of other women that have oral fixations as well, which normally makes it easier for them to master because of this. I like to do them especially in the morning, because most men have morning hard ons and usually they do not have time for sex if they are like me and hit the snooze button a lot. So to keep your man thinking about you all day long; a morning BJ is a great way to accomplish that!

Blow jobs can be very hard to master if you have a gag reflex; plus you have to worry about teeth placement and multitasking with your hands as well. With girls that want to practice on something else other than a penis; you can always use a banana to help with your gag reflex or your man will always oblige you to be the willing participate in your practicing phase.

I focus on the tip of the head and underneath the shaft. If you swirl your tongue and suck around their opening of their external urethral orifice, which is where their semen comes out (for those of you that do not know that word) they will start bunching up very quickly with their abs and legs if done correctly. The head and underneath their shaft are their most sensitive spots. While you are doing this use your hands. But always make sure you have lotion or oil to massage their shaft it will feel a lot better for them. I use a twisting technique while I am sucking their balls as well.

Men love to have their balls sucked, there are a thousand nerve endings in their testicles, so do not forget to play with them! In the beginning start at their balls and then lick all the way up the shaft and some men will want a finger in their ass while you are giving them a blow job. But. not all men are like this. This is something you will have to ease into, because they may not have had it done before and so go in slowly to see their reaction, but remember to use lube on your finger! If you have long nails I recommend skipping this part. While you are sucking the head, I like to take my tongue and lick up and down his shaft while pulling the skin up with my mouth, it’s similar to you sucking his head, but just be gentle sucking the sides. Men can be very rough when they masturbate alone, so do not feel like you have to be too gentle with jacking him off especially if you are using lube or oil.

Then, there is the age old question spit or swallow. Some, when they are so aroused they continue to cum for a moment and anymore sucking or playing with them will make it feel uncomfortable or too much to handle. So depending on the man stick to the tip of the head while they start to cum and you will be able to tell when it’s time to stop.

Blow jobs are loved by all men and if you can perfect it you will be able to keep them happy throughout the day and they will continue to think about that morning with you. Now if you two have more time, then give him some time to recover and then go for round two, but this time involving you!

6 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You

Dating can be rough sometimes…

The Signs: He’s Just Not That Into You

We’ve all read the book or you at least saw the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You. The book and the movie go through certain scenarios that shows women that the guy was never interested in her to begin with and she completely concocted a love story with an unwilling participate. I do love the movie(I know, I know I am old-er) I wanted to give my two cents on signs never to overlook!

1. You haven’t seen him in weeks, but when you message him he tells you that he “needs space.” Here’s a thought how about we send you on a one-way trip to mars to ensure your “space”. But, in all seriousness, how many of you have gotten this message and you think to yourself, “We couldn’t be further from each other than my once upon a time dream to be a Victoria Secret model.”

2. He’s always picking a fight with you… I didn’t know what type of cheese you wanted meant so much to you.

3. You get that out of the blue text, “So babe I think we should break up.” Well, I think you should go screw yourself, but hey we can’t always get everything we want.

4. He goes to hang with his boys and then when you see him afterwards (whether that is a day or a month later) he’s acting like you are the worst person in the world. Well, no I am not the worst person in the world; I would say your friends are, after all they are inaccurately judging me and I haven’t even met them yet. Which makes me wonder what “truths” you are telling them.

5. You had a great day and you wanted to share this with your “so-called boyfriend or FWB”, when you call him, he sends you straight to voicemail. So then you text him and he only types, “K” Well, just so you know your “K” just pissed my once happy face off.

6. He’s selfish in bed. He couldn’t get any closer to the marathon man if he tried, then after his 5 seconds, he doesn’t even help you out. Break out that vibrator ladies, they are more dependable. :):)

Happy Dating!

The Sexpert Christy Goldstein