In preparation to the launch of the next book in the Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life, here is the Youtube video explaining my chapter and why I wanted to help others with their relationships with healthy people and their illness. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T9RZd4oEMbo
Thank you to Weightless Date for allowing me to contribute to their website. Below is the link to the article I wrote, Life with an illness.
A single Midwest girl dates in LA for 2 weeks, will it be a disaster or love at first sight?
Dating in any city has it’s quirks, but what happens when a single 33 year old certified relationship coach and sexpert comes to LA and tries out the dating scene for the first time? Let me just say it was more eventful than I originally anticipated. When I set up my dating apps, I had very low expectations and I didn’t know what the response would be and I definitely didn’t imagine half of what occurred.
I’ve lived in Columbus, Ohio all my life and the dating scene here is abysmal at best. So I assumed the dating in Los Angeles, would be very similar or worse than my usual dating prospects at home. Once I landed in LAX, I switched my dating apps Tinder and Bumble over and sat down and waited for the fun to begin. My profile states exactly who I am, and I know adding that I am a relationship coach and Sexpert on a known hook up dating app isn’t exactly smart, but being the type of person I am, what you see is what you get, my job is my job and it’s something I am proud of.
After the first few hours, I realized that just like in Columbus, many men wanted to know what exactly it was that I did for a living. I am assuming from the descriptions I got, men seem to think a Sexpert and/or sex coach is extremely hands on with their clients. Which sometimes that can be the case, but not in mine. I help couples get out of the sexual ruts that can occur when you have been in a relationship for a long time. I also help singles learn more about their bodies as well as the opposite sex, but no where in my job description do I watch my clients engage in sex and nor am I a director while my clients get it on.
Once I explained this fact over and over they would finally ask about who I am as a person, and not Christy the Sexpert. Now, if you’ve been on dating apps, you know that on Tinder you can’t send any pictures, but on Bumble you can. So I received more dick pics than I care to count. And I have had many men profess their love to me after only speaking to me for a few minutes. Many men offered to pay my way to stay in LA and then there were the very small percentage that actually wanted to meet me and not just meet me for sex, which happened more than I care to admit.
Once I came home, I fully intended on counting every time I told someone what my job was, every dick pic, and every man who asked me to come to their place to have sex, but once I sat down to actually count them, I realized it would take me an hour or two to count each instance so I chose to leave that bit of research alone. I did however, count how many men I spoke to and matched with and lets just say if I wanted to met each one, I would have had to set up a date every hour for the whole 12 days I was there. As we know quality over quantity is always the way to go.
So which city’s dating scene is the best? They each have their own appeal, but I would have to say I am no closer to figuring that out than I was before I got there. I’ve heard horror stories of dating mishaps in LA and I have to say I am now not surprised by those stories I’ve read about. LA men love to name drop and they love to embellish on their careers. I now know when I see a profile and they say they are an entrepreneur and they are in the 20’s most likely they are actually unemployed. I know that anyone can say they are a director and work for famous actors, but then they want you to pay for the drinks you and him just consumed. So when my friends who live in LA told me to be careful, I now know why they issued that warning.
Dating in LA, no matter how abysmal it may be, still didn’t deter me from wanting to move there so at least there is that result. What I did learn is whether you are in Columbus, Ohio or in Los Angeles, California, you have to go through the 95% of men who just want you for one thing, before you can get to the 5% of men who are the real deal. Happy Dating, Los Angeles!
Hello, everyone! I am happy to announce that I will be apart of the new volume of the book, The Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life! I will let you guys know more as soon as it is complete!
Thank you to everyone who has followed my journey! I appreciate it more than I can express. Enjoy your week!
I know it’s been a very long time since I have updated my page and I apologize for that. The NotMom Summit of 2015 is finally here! While Karen and Laurie are working feverishly to make this a special weekend for each and every one of you NotMom’s I wrote an article about the Summit and why us NotMom’s should not be considered “selfish” for us opting out of having children.
Next week I will let you know how the NotMom Summit was and my experiences with meeting all of these beautiful women and hearing their stories.
Hello everyone! It has been a busy start to my summer, I hope all of you are enjoying the nice weather! I am currently working on several projects and I am looking forward to showing you all that I have been working on for the past 4 years. I have been writing several books and it has taken me a lot longer than I care to admit. But when you are ill it’s hard to stay focused and meet deadlines that I had set for myself. Since the beginning I had written a book called Infamous, it is a chicklit novel and it was completed two years ago. But then a few things started to happen with my writing and with my health so Infamous took a backseat and has since been waiting in my scrivener (if you haven’t heard of scrivener and you are a writer I highly recommend it!) to be published.
This year I started two other books, one was dating while having EDS and the other was a memoir about my experiences in the medical field. Having 56 surgeries I have been immersed in this community in a way I never thought I would and have seen things I wish to God I hadn’t. I am writing about those experiences, so I can help others who are thrown into this and do not have the information that I have acquired over the years. My main goal with my writing has always been to help others. There is so much in this world that we are literally thrown into and I wish I had had the insight that I do now back then. So I am hoping my experiences whether they were good, bad, or indifferent will help others. Even if I have only helped one person, I have succeeded.
In October I will be speaking at the Notmom summit in Cleveland. I hope to see some of you there! I will keep everyone updated on my projects. Happy Summer to all of you!
We didn’t want the same things. I realize just because it wasn’t what I wanted, didn’t make it wrong.
When you break up with someone you have the time to reflect. You look back at every decision, fight, and smile of your life together. Looking back now, I realize that I was trying to change him and change his way of thinking. Not to just change his thinking, but to change his personality and that was never going to work. He always complained about his job, he always told me his parents treated him like crap and by the looks of his finances I knew he was under paid at his parents business or lived way above his means.
Me being who I am, I tried to fix it. I showed him other companies and the salaries that were in our city and what they paid for his specific job title and job description. To say he was under paid is putting it lightly. When you’re in a family business the dynamics are heightened. Every issue you have outside the business creeps in. You end up fighting about personal issues and there are no boundaries set up because you are family. He quit one day when his dad was being difficult. Of course he went back the very next day, but he was showing me he was unhappy. And when I’m unhappy the logical thing I think to do is to change what is making me unhappy. He on the other hand had no problem with being miserable. Or maybe he knew he was going to be unhappy with his job and that is just the way it would be?
We had many issues, but because I’m a fixer I tried my best to show him another way. Of course he never listened to my ideas. He took them in, but nothing ever changed. And his bitching continued, every single. freaking. day.
And now a year later, I realize he didn’t want it to change. When most people are extremely unhappy they figure out a way to change it. But there is that small percentage of people that just go with the flow and bitch about it all along the way. Knowing that it changes nothing.
I realize now he and I never would have made it. I’m someone who is determined to succeed and help as many people as I can along the way. He is perfectly content working a low paying job and going out every weekend and getting drunk.
I know now that even though that is not a life I would want, it is a life that some people are ok with. Living pay check to pay check and essentially just existing, but content in their world. I realized after the back and forth, push-pull that was our relationship, that it is ok that he only wants what he has. He will find someone who is just as content at having a job that may not pay for vacations to see the world, but their bills are somewhat paid and they have beer money. He will find a woman who is ok having a drink everyday and has no remorse when that headache, that will inevitably show up, rears its ugly head.
I learned that what is good for him, didn’t have to be good for me, and that is ok, but it essentially meant we couldn’t be together. I need to know that if the shit hits the fan I either have savings to turn to or my great credit to get a loan. And in his life he had neither and never even thought about those things. So through the deterioration of what was our relationship, I learned that it is ok that he is fine with how his life is. And just because it’s not for me doesn’t make it wrong, right, or indifferent. It just makes us incompatible and that is ok too.
As you get older, that knowledge you’ve gained along the way really helps you know what to wait for, what to work towards, and why you should never settle for less than what you deserve or for what you want in life. Life is short and you should experience every thing you have your heart set on. And in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
When you are newly engaged the last thing you want to think about is divorce. But, since divorce rates are 1 in 3, it’s something that everyone must think about. It’s not an easy subject to bring up to your soon to be husband or wife, but trust me this is a necessary evil. With prenups you both can determine the terms of what will happen if in fact you two decide to break up.
Divorce is a touchy subject. People tend to think that their marriage will be the one out of their friends or family to last forever. Which I personally hope the relationship does last a lifetime. But, if in fact something changes at least you know that this is printed and signed by both of you. Now you can be as detailed as you want to be or you can make it simple and have the guidelines written up for certain circumstances that may occur in your marriage. Having it all mapped out will make things go so much smoother in the end. I don’t care if neither of you have a dime to your name, it’s better to be safe, than sorry. And if one of you had an inheritance before you got married, then that money should be put into a trust, so your spouse can’t try to take that money away from you. Especially since it was a premarital asset.
Prenups can include what happens if you have children, who is taking custody of them and the amount of child support will be included for the custodial parent. It can also dictate the amount of spousal support they can receive based on the amount of time you two were married. There are other factors that you can put in the prenup depending on your state and that state’s laws.
Divorce is something that needs to be discussed before you are married, regardless if you want to discuss it or not. When people are angry they tend to do all the things they promised they would never do. You cannot determine if they will stand by their word when divorce is imminent. Everything that was said is thrown out the window and the claws or gloves come out. But, if you had a prenup to begin with, then they really have no way to try to take more than they originally said they would. Now prenups can be challenged, but most judges will not overturn the prenup unless there was fraud involved and if they do think fraud is involved, they better have a good case to prove it.
I know most think prenups aren’t necessary, but because of the high divorce rates and the many people who have had to battle their exes for premarital assets, proves that having a prenup is your safest bet. It protects you and your spouse. People are also including a clause in their prenup for their dogs and cats. There is nothing more heartbreaking than losing your spouse and then losing your dog. So please if you do end up going the prenup route, think of every thing possible to include in the document. And if you two never divorce then no harm, no foul.
veryone wants relationships to work out and stand the test of time. Unfortunately, if you are playing games with your love, it’s only a matter of time before they run from the relationship you are trying to build. Here are the top games women play while in a relationship.
1. Insecurity. A lot of women are insecure and think that someone couldn’t possibly love them for who they are. Instead of working on themselves to fix their insecurities, they tend to test their partners loyalty. Pushing your partner away is a big reason why they lose their relationships.
2. Testing him. Testing your partner results in them not wanting to deal with the constant strain and push-pull that you continually show them. This involves you telling them they can leave anytime they want, or not telling them exactly what is wrong or why you are saying this.
3. Liquid courage. Many girls drink alcohol and text their partners, saying things they wouldn’t say sober. Every little thing that has bugged you comes out in this irrational state. If you keep this up they will definitely know that you are more in love with drama than them.
4. Over-analyzing. This is something women are great at and are usually born with. If he is late, you make up so many excuses as to why, instead of realizing traffic is the reason. Maybe he really did fall asleep and isn’t trying to have sex with that co-worker you met a while ago. (You know, the one who is gorgeous and has legs for days.) Give him some credit and don’t think the worst of him until he gives you a reason to think that way.
5. He isn’t a priority. Not making him a priority is another push-pull game people use to make sure they keep their partners at arms length so as not get hurt. If you aren’t ready for someone to be in your life, do not string him along. This will come back to bite you in the form of karma, and when you are ready for someone to be in your life, they won’t be ready for a relationship.
Relationships are hard work, but a lot of people start to run as soon as an issue arises. And if you constantly run when times get tough, you will never know how to deal with other problems in your own life. Make sure you are truly ready for love; if you are not, you aren’t just hurting yourself.