Sorry, Not Sorry

I am ashamed of my generation the millennials.

I recently had a situation arise, a young college student tried to intentionally scare me by trying to hit my dogs and I with his car. He made an illegal turn down a one-way street to park in a parking spot that we were walking passed. When he got out I asked him if that was really necessary? He then proceeded to berate me about how it was my fault and I should expect him to try to hit me since I was walking through a parking spot. Umm, what? I didn’t know by him doing an illegal turn and almost hitting me was my fault?

That’s the problem with today’s youth and young adults they will never apologize, even when it is blatantly their fault. Why is that? Where has good manners and respect for others gone? I ask this everyday when I drive somewhere. It has become commonplace for me to be flipped off or shouted at by a driver who intentionally cut me off or them not using a turn signal. It’s apparent no one wants to take responsibility for their actions or their words anymore. And most of the time they assume there will not be any repercussions for their actions.

A lot of today’s youth or 20 something year olds have no respect for authority. They feel that by being cordial, polite or just respecting someone else’s authority, experience, and/or space is beneath them. They lack the patience that is needed to survive in the world, which scares the hell out of me and I am fearful of what the world will look like 5-10 years from now. I haven’t been able to think about what it might look like in 20 plus years.

Another instance of the lack of patience and respect: I was in a long line at Tim Horton’s getting my daily coffee fix when I look out my window to see how long the line was, since I had been sitting there for over 5 minutes. A guy walking into the Tim Horton’s for whatever reason thought that I was looking at him. So he did the best choice he thought of at that moment and said to me, “What the F*ck are you looking at?” Now I ask you, how is it that this gentleman thought that I was so concerned about what he was doing, that I just had to be looking at only him? Like I said before, that was the “all about me” conclusion he could come up with. Instead, he could have thought the simpler conclusion that I might have just been looking at the damn line behind me?

What happens years from now when these kids or young adults start to run our countries? When they are wrong or do something inexcusable, are they going to be able to explain why they did or said something? That’s unfortunately where we are headed. Soon we will get to see our congressmen and women throw temper tantrums and think that we all should be under the assumption that regardless of right and wrong or even common sense, they are right and you are wrong so just get over it.

I know people like to make excuses for the millennials, but when do they stop getting a pass? Whether the excuse for them is that they live in a different world than we did, or that technology is now commonplace so them disrespecting who ever they are with by looking at their phones more than their guest is ok. When does responsibility become a factor? Are their parents going to hold their hands through job interviews? Will they get a time out whenever they disrespect someone else? There are no excuses here that are valid. The parents need to take most of the responsibility.

Our politicians aren’t helping this entitlement phase, offering free college and other freebies is just another way to tell them that the opportunities that they are getting isn’t worth anything and to just keep taking and taking. I had to work 2 jobs and go to school full-time in order for me to afford it. So why are they more important than me? To be honest I wouldn’t want free tuition anyways, my working full-time and going to school full-time made me appreciate the education all the more. Stop looking for handouts and start to appreciate the handouts you have already received! Other countries aren’t as lucky as you guys have been.

Life in general is tough to navigate through, but if you are constantly walking around with your hand out and with a “The world owes me” attitude, then life will be even tougher for you. Always remember that the world doesn’t owe you shit, you owe the world. After all, the world was here first!

God help us.

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This Is Why I Ghost

Text response is declined.

As a relationship coach, I will get a lot of flack for admitting that I ghost, but hear me out. Ghosting, is when you are speaking to someone and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM! They are never to be heard from again. You start to over-analyze every little thing you said and did the last time you talked to them or saw them. But, more often than not, the real reason they ghosted has a lot more to do with what they know of your character than them being an asshole.

I have always been very blunt and to the point, some can handle it and some cannot. But, if I stop having feelings for someone I will always slowly but surely stop responding, reason being is I have tried it both ways. I have always been upfront and honest that I like someone else or if I just do not think I am compatible with him anymore. And each time I took the awkward, but respectful way and go out of my way and tell them why I am not feeling them anymore, I would get so many obscenities sent my way.

I have been ghosted on too so it doesn’t matter who you are, you will get ghosted at least once in your life. I had one guy who said he hated ghosting and that if we were ever incompatible to please tell him. He had someone he liked ghost him and so he knew how bad it felt. He even said if she would have sent a text to me; that would have been better than silence. He and I were doing ok and everything appeared to be going well and then he just stopped responding. I even sent him a text saying, “Hey, if you met someone that is perfectly ok, just let me know” I received no response from him. So I let it go. That Friday, I am walking my dogs and guess who is outside my building with beer and trying to get into my gated community? Yep, it was the ghoster. What’s hilarious is the new girl he was dating lived in my exact building, we have 8 buildings in my complex so there’s karma for ya.

So as you can see ghosting sometimes has to occur and yes it is still immature and if the world were an expert on communication then we would never have to come up with these ridiculous terms, but with technology advancing everyday, expect ghosting to happen more and more, unfortunately it is here to stay. Just remember when you do it karma always comes back around.

What a sex coach actually does.

For the past few months I have been bombarded with questions on what my job actually entails, so today I am going to explain the ins and outs of my job, pun intended.

First off, I DO NOT have sex with my clients. Nor do I use my body to show them what I am speaking about and no I do not use my hands to show them how to masturbate correctly. Now, there are sex coaches who do this and I am not knocking what they do professionally, but I never wanted to be that type of sex coach. Later this year I will be taking classes to be a certified clinical sexologist which covers a wide range of topics, such as: psychology, sex abuse, sexual dysfunctions, legal and unethical practices, etc. I also will be getting my sex educator certificate. As you can see there are a wide variety of topics when it comes to sex. And sex is the only thing in this country or even abroad that isn’t taught, your ideas of what a woman or man likes all comes from secondhand knowledge, which can be from past sex partners, friends, or even family.

I wanted to change how the topic of sex is viewed and for sex to become less awkward for parents and their kids/teens to bring sex up without skirting over the major points that need to be talked about. With so many sexually transmitted diseases and incorrect information on protection, it is necessary to discuss it at length, regardless of the persons comfort levels. The percentage rates of HPV, Herpes, and other highly contracted STD’s could go down with the correct information and training being shared to the public. Young adults and even most adults think they are invincible and will not contract a STD, but it’s that ignorance that causes the statistics to skyrocket.

So no matter what you may think of my job, please be safe. If not for yourself, do it for your partner. They shouldn’t have to deal with a lifelong decision that you made without their knowledge or consent just because you think you are superman or superwoman for those 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Happy Dating and remember to WRAP IT UP!!

Use These Tips To Give Your Man The Best Blowjob Of His Life

Every man loves getting a blowjob, but you might have been doing it wrong all along.

We all know men love blow jobs or they are sometimes called fellatio. But, knowing how to do them right is something women have struggled to master. I am going to give you a few tips on giving a great blow job to keep your man happy and keep running back for more.

I have always been a fan of the blow job, but I do have an oral fixation so it has come naturally to me and with a lot of other women that have oral fixations as well, which normally makes it easier for them to master because of this. I like to do them especially in the morning, because most men have morning hard ons and usually they do not have time for sex if they are like me and hit the snooze button a lot. So to keep your man thinking about you all day long; a morning BJ is a great way to accomplish that!

Blow jobs can be very hard to master if you have a gag reflex; plus you have to worry about teeth placement and multitasking with your hands as well. With girls that want to practice on something else other than a penis; you can always use a banana to help with your gag reflex or your man will always oblige you to be the willing participate in your practicing phase.

I focus on the tip of the head and underneath the shaft. If you swirl your tongue and suck around their opening of their external urethral orifice, which is where their semen comes out (for those of you that do not know that word) they will start bunching up very quickly with their abs and legs if done correctly. The head and underneath their shaft are their most sensitive spots. While you are doing this use your hands. But always make sure you have lotion or oil to massage their shaft it will feel a lot better for them. I use a twisting technique while I am sucking their balls as well.

Men love to have their balls sucked, there are a thousand nerve endings in their testicles, so do not forget to play with them! In the beginning start at their balls and then lick all the way up the shaft and some men will want a finger in their ass while you are giving them a blow job. But. not all men are like this. This is something you will have to ease into, because they may not have had it done before and so go in slowly to see their reaction, but remember to use lube on your finger! If you have long nails I recommend skipping this part. While you are sucking the head, I like to take my tongue and lick up and down his shaft while pulling the skin up with my mouth, it’s similar to you sucking his head, but just be gentle sucking the sides. Men can be very rough when they masturbate alone, so do not feel like you have to be too gentle with jacking him off especially if you are using lube or oil.

Then, there is the age old question spit or swallow. Some, when they are so aroused they continue to cum for a moment and anymore sucking or playing with them will make it feel uncomfortable or too much to handle. So depending on the man stick to the tip of the head while they start to cum and you will be able to tell when it’s time to stop.

Blow jobs are loved by all men and if you can perfect it you will be able to keep them happy throughout the day and they will continue to think about that morning with you. Now if you two have more time, then give him some time to recover and then go for round two, but this time involving you!

Why You Shouldn’t Update Your Relationship Status

It has come to my attention that my generation believes if a relationship is not “Facebook official,” then the relationship is not real. This means that if the “in a relationship” box is not checked off on a profile, then the relationship is nonexistent.

When did Facebook take over our lives? Why is it that if something happens to us — whether it’s something funny, sad or mean — we go to Facebook first to let our “friends” know? Why has Facebook taken over our lives, and most importantly, our relationships?

Remember when we had to pick up the phone to discuss something with someone, or discussed the issue in person? While it is great that social networking has advanced, our conversations have become so impersonal that we do not know if a friend’s Facebook status should be taken seriously. /node/129595

How did we resort to using Facebook and Twitter to find out about the latest gossip surrounding our friends? Why is it okay that we have allowed technology and social networking to rule our lives?

Facebook and Twitter can be a great tool to tell people things without contacting them individually. However, telling everyone on Facebook that you are pregnant before telling the father is wrong on so many levels.

We have been conditioned to check our Facebook profiles and newsfeeds every second of the day, and now, even our cell phones have the capability to update Facebook and Twitter simultaneously.

Have we become lazy? Technological advancements have created simpler methods of doing things to save time and energy. For some tasks, this is a great thing, but what are we teaching the children of the next generation? … that your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is not real unless it is posted on Facebook?
We have become so subdued that when Facebook changes a feature, my newsfeed fills with complaints about it for several hours. Lets face it, that change is the most important thing of the day for everyone. Heaven forbid we start thinking about the important things that seldom make someone’s status update, such as the country’s overwhelming debt and the wars that are being fought throughout the world. /node/146018

Being “Facebook official” is a concept that I do not agree with because in a few weeks, your relationship status will go back to “single.” So, why bother? It only takes a few seconds to go from being in a relationship to being single. Why let everyone know? It is not like Facebook makes or breaks a relationship. However, if you put more emphasis on being “Facebook official,” than you do on your actual relationship, it will.

Jealousy… How Far Would You Cross The Line?

With jealousy there is always a conflict on what is ok and what is not ok. Some people think it is perfectly fine to check their mates Facebook and emails to see what they are up too. But, why is that ok? Or is it? What boundaries should you not cross in a relationship when it comes to your own jealousy issues?

I have never been a jealous person by nature. I figure if someone is going to cheat or go passed that line of trust they will do it. Regardless, what I say or do they will do it! And if you check their emails and Facebook you are already telling them you don’t trust them. I have never thought it was ok to check my partner’s emails or Facebook. What is the point of doing it? You will see something that will piss you off and it will start a fight over something that may be innocent.

There is always going to be a girl or guy that does not know you are in a relationship. So you can not punish that person for having someone come up to them and ask them out or for their number. Now, of course if they give it to them, then yes be upset. But, when someone is asking; they are in fact just asking! It doesn’t mean they are going to get what they want. But fighting with your mate over something they had no control over is an endless fight. It makes no sense and they have every right to be upset with you for starting something they again had no control over.

Back to checking your mates emails and Facebook; I have friends that have said that they had a relationship end because of their jealousy or because they were checking their mates Facebook 24/7 or checking their emails, if they had their passwords of course. Jealousy is a hard thing to contain and I understand that, but if you really want your partner in your life you will need to learn to fix that!

Most will not deal with crazy antics, because of being jealous. They may deal with it for a while, but in the end that will be the thing that pushes you two apart. If you have no trust in anyone you date, then why date? Trust, is one of the only things that holds a relationship together. Another is communication, so if you have issues with your jealousy, talk it out with your partner so they can know what upsets you and what doesn’t. And if they continue to do what upsets you, maybe you need to find someone who won’t cross that line for you.

Relationship Sabotage

When you hear sabotage you think of a movie or war. You rarely think that you yourself are the one causing the relationship issues in your dating life. And you don’t want to think that the reason you are alone is not because their aren’t any good men, but you are alone because of you. I came to this realization a few months back. I am and have been sabotaging my own relationships and in a sense I am sabotaging my own happiness.

A lot of women I have talked too say that they know exactly what I am talking about when I say relationship sabotage. They first think of the relationships they have ruined because of their own neuroses and their own self esteem issues. A lot of people ruin a good relationship because of them being insecure with themselves.

I am one of those people. I have been independent to a fault and do not know how to allow someone to help me with even the mundane things such as carrying in groceries, walking my dogs for me, or picking up something I need at the store. My last relationship I sabotaged knowingly and completely. I don’t think there was anything else I could have done more thoroughly than ending that relationship.

I decided things for this person even before discussing it with them. I also assumed things that they probably hadn’t even thought about. Because of this we obviously ended the relationship. Well I ended it. Many times. So because I have this issue and acknowledge this I am hoping to change the way I react and think when it comes to relationships.

My biggest fear is abandonment. I have a lot of baggage per say and not many would want to deal with all the things that goes with being in my life. And so as a coping mechanism I push that person so far away that there is no turning back once I am done with them. I have acknowledged this and I want to change this part of my personality so going forward I won’t push the next person away. And hopefully the next guy will accept all of who I am.

Stop Over Analyzing

So he hasn’t called you or texted you back in a “reasonable” amount of time, so what do you do? You panic! The reason girls get so flustered and think every man they date is playing games with them is because they are constantly in their heads thinking of reasons why he doesn’t call or text you in a certain amount of time. Women also analyze why men want to spend time with their friends on a certain night instead of hanging out with you.

You need to stop thinking so negatively every time a guy doesn’t do what you want them to do. He doesn’t know how many times a day you want him to contact you. And even if he did, he has a life too, so your idea of how many times he should communicate with you will not always work for him. And it shouldn’t be a prerequisite in your dating life.

Men are pretty simple to understand. If a guy doesn’t contact you, it’s because he either doesn’t have anything to say or he really doesn’t want to contact you. It’s black or white with them. Even if you thought you had the best first meeting with a guy doesn’t mean he thought so too! And if he did have a great time with you then he will contact you and ask for a second meeting. Men like the “hunt” or chase if you will. If there is a woman he is interested in and she contacts him constantly or doesn’t allow him the chase he will get turned off and think you are too clingy and too desperate for a relationship with him.

Men love a confident woman and they hate dealing with jealousy. They like to have a girl who is into them of course, but they want to be the one to show you that he feels you too. They don’t want a girl constantly texting them and you showing them that you undoubtedly find him to be the “one” you have been searching for. In the future let him contact you and if he doesn’t then you know he wasn’t worth your time anyway.

Flirting On Facebook: How Social Media Changed Our Dating Lives

By now, almost everyone has Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram, Vine, etc. So, with all these social media outlets, how does it fair in love? I personally feel like social media has taken over our lives. When you are friends with the guy or girl you are seeing, you scour their Facebook activity to see who is commenting the most on their statuses and if they are of the opposite sex. It’s something many do but beware because this may cause an issue with your new mate.

I have stayed away from being friends with my partner on Facebook. I know most would say by my doing this I will automatically cause a trust issue for my mate, but I don’t feel that it should cause a trust issue. I am trying to prevent the jealousy issue people have when they see men comment or like my status and I have no problem showing my partner my Facebook page when we are together.

I’ve seen so many relationships end because of a comment someone made on a Facebook status. No one can control what other people put on their Facebook or Twitter so there is no reason to get upset about every little comment! Now, if your mate responds in a flirty fashion, then you can tell your partner you’re not ok with what they put as a response.

I think social media has made things harder for people to date and married couples are now making a Facebook page with both of their names, which to me is a waste of time. Why create a new page? That is just time consuming and everyone on your Facebook should know you are married already. And if they don’t, then those people aren’t privy to your life and shouldn’t have access to it anyway.

I’ve known couples where one has a Facebook and the other does not. I think this is the best way to go. Men will always be flirty with women regardless if they know they are with someone or not. I am not sure why this is, but for me, I have always just said thank you or whatever generic response is needed for that situation. I know that not all people will do what I do with regards to Facebook but the important part is that both parties agree to how social media sites are used. Which brings me to subliminal messages on social media.

There are also people who fall victim to social media. I have been the victim of social media and I know a lot of other people who have been victims from it as well. Everyone knows about the Facebook subliminal messaging; people use these after a break up or if they are angry at someone. When this occurs, your entire friends list and anyone who has ever liked the status will now know you have issues in your relationship. I plead to stop doing this! It’s unnecessary and annoying. I don’t want to know that your boyfriend didn’t take out the trash and that you are pissed, and I don’t think anyone else cares that he or she forgot Sweetest Day (which I did this year, sue me it’s not on my calendar)!

Social media will always be here. There is no turning back, but please use it carefully, and remember not to use it when you have been drinking. Even if you delete a status the day after, you have put it up for the world to see and everyone has already seen it by the time you delete it. So please put the phone down while you are drinking or angry. I have told everyone I know that when you are mad, write down what you want to say then wait an hour and go back and look at it. After you go back and look at it you will see that while angry, you are most likely saying the same thing over and over again but in a different ways.

Since social media will be here for years to come and we have learned new things about people we never wanted to know, remember this — it is hard to remove a comment or status even after it has been removed. Everyone’s cell phone and computer signals update at different times and you may not see that status any longer because you are the one who deleted it, but trust me my friend, many others have seen this update, even when you no longer can.

I hope this has been helpful and happy Facebooking!