Sorry, Not Sorry

I am ashamed of my generation the millennials.

I recently had a situation arise, a young college student tried to intentionally scare me by trying to hit my dogs and I with his car. He made an illegal turn down a one-way street to park in a parking spot that we were walking passed. When he got out I asked him if that was really necessary? He then proceeded to berate me about how it was my fault and I should expect him to try to hit me since I was walking through a parking spot. Umm, what? I didn’t know by him doing an illegal turn and almost hitting me was my fault?

That’s the problem with today’s youth and young adults they will never apologize, even when it is blatantly their fault. Why is that? Where has good manners and respect for others gone? I ask this everyday when I drive somewhere. It has become commonplace for me to be flipped off or shouted at by a driver who intentionally cut me off or them not using a turn signal. It’s apparent no one wants to take responsibility for their actions or their words anymore. And most of the time they assume there will not be any repercussions for their actions.

A lot of today’s youth or 20 something year olds have no respect for authority. They feel that by being cordial, polite or just respecting someone else’s authority, experience, and/or space is beneath them. They lack the patience that is needed to survive in the world, which scares the hell out of me and I am fearful of what the world will look like 5-10 years from now. I haven’t been able to think about what it might look like in 20 plus years.

Another instance of the lack of patience and respect: I was in a long line at Tim Horton’s getting my daily coffee fix when I look out my window to see how long the line was, since I had been sitting there for over 5 minutes. A guy walking into the Tim Horton’s for whatever reason thought that I was looking at him. So he did the best choice he thought of at that moment and said to me, “What the F*ck are you looking at?” Now I ask you, how is it that this gentleman thought that I was so concerned about what he was doing, that I just had to be looking at only him? Like I said before, that was the “all about me” conclusion he could come up with. Instead, he could have thought the simpler conclusion that I might have just been looking at the damn line behind me?

What happens years from now when these kids or young adults start to run our countries? When they are wrong or do something inexcusable, are they going to be able to explain why they did or said something? That’s unfortunately where we are headed. Soon we will get to see our congressmen and women throw temper tantrums and think that we all should be under the assumption that regardless of right and wrong or even common sense, they are right and you are wrong so just get over it.

I know people like to make excuses for the millennials, but when do they stop getting a pass? Whether the excuse for them is that they live in a different world than we did, or that technology is now commonplace so them disrespecting who ever they are with by looking at their phones more than their guest is ok. When does responsibility become a factor? Are their parents going to hold their hands through job interviews? Will they get a time out whenever they disrespect someone else? There are no excuses here that are valid. The parents need to take most of the responsibility.

Our politicians aren’t helping this entitlement phase, offering free college and other freebies is just another way to tell them that the opportunities that they are getting isn’t worth anything and to just keep taking and taking. I had to work 2 jobs and go to school full-time in order for me to afford it. So why are they more important than me? To be honest I wouldn’t want free tuition anyways, my working full-time and going to school full-time made me appreciate the education all the more. Stop looking for handouts and start to appreciate the handouts you have already received! Other countries aren’t as lucky as you guys have been.

Life in general is tough to navigate through, but if you are constantly walking around with your hand out and with a “The world owes me” attitude, then life will be even tougher for you. Always remember that the world doesn’t owe you shit, you owe the world. After all, the world was here first!

God help us.

Advertisements

This Is Why You Should Always Have A Prenuptial Agreement

Marriage is not just about love, it is also a business arrangement.

Everyone has their own opinions on prenuptial agreements and question if they send a bad precedent before marriage. But, divorce is a possibility whether you would want to address those feelings now or not. Life has no guarantees and there is no way to know if 2 or 10 years down the road you decide the marriage is not repairable. When you get married, you never want to think about the possibility of it ending, but with the divorce rate being so high, it is something that every pre-marriage phase couples need to think about and give credence to.

If a marriage doesn’t work out, the likelihood of it being a cordial break up and everyone agreeing on every little thing, is slim to none. Sure, there are a select few who can accomplish an amicable divorce, but more often than not there is going to be some resentment and angry feelings involved, especially for the person who was dumped. They will have a major hit to their ego and instead of being logical about their feelings, they will direct their anger towards getting their exes back anyway possible. Divorce becomes revenge and anything you two had discussed before with regards to the marriage not working out, goes out the window. Every couple says in the beginning if things do not work out, I will not fight with you or I will not take this or take that. And then the gloves come off and it’s everyone for them self. Even the attorneys will get nasty and become too emotionally involved.

I have seen every end of the spectrum when it comes to divorce. You have mutual break ups, the extremely angry break ups, and the starting out mutual, only to turn into a battle until even the toothbrush is accounted for. This is why pre-nups are such a necessary asset pre-marriage. You can put everything in this legal document and no matter who breaks up with whom, the pre-nup will stand. It is very rare that a judge goes against the original pre-nup legal document.

I know some people think that this process is unromantic and that it brings down the happy celebratory vibe you two have. My response to that is, it only has that effect on your situation because you are allowing it to. All you are doing, is laying out every asset you have and making sure you are protected down the road and that your kids are protected if you choose to have them or already have them. So put the romance feelings aside, it’s just smart to have one set up regardless if you are wealthy or not. Plus have you ever entered into a financial arrangement without a contract? You probably haven’t, so why forgo a prenup when it does involve everything you own? Which ever you decide, always remember: There is a difference between marrying the love of your life and divorcing the man you thought was the love of your life.

This Is Why I Ghost

Text response is declined.

As a relationship coach, I will get a lot of flack for admitting that I ghost, but hear me out. Ghosting, is when you are speaking to someone and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM! They are never to be heard from again. You start to over-analyze every little thing you said and did the last time you talked to them or saw them. But, more often than not, the real reason they ghosted has a lot more to do with what they know of your character than them being an asshole.

I have always been very blunt and to the point, some can handle it and some cannot. But, if I stop having feelings for someone I will always slowly but surely stop responding, reason being is I have tried it both ways. I have always been upfront and honest that I like someone else or if I just do not think I am compatible with him anymore. And each time I took the awkward, but respectful way and go out of my way and tell them why I am not feeling them anymore, I would get so many obscenities sent my way.

I have been ghosted on too so it doesn’t matter who you are, you will get ghosted at least once in your life. I had one guy who said he hated ghosting and that if we were ever incompatible to please tell him. He had someone he liked ghost him and so he knew how bad it felt. He even said if she would have sent a text to me; that would have been better than silence. He and I were doing ok and everything appeared to be going well and then he just stopped responding. I even sent him a text saying, “Hey, if you met someone that is perfectly ok, just let me know” I received no response from him. So I let it go. That Friday, I am walking my dogs and guess who is outside my building with beer and trying to get into my gated community? Yep, it was the ghoster. What’s hilarious is the new girl he was dating lived in my exact building, we have 8 buildings in my complex so there’s karma for ya.

So as you can see ghosting sometimes has to occur and yes it is still immature and if the world were an expert on communication then we would never have to come up with these ridiculous terms, but with technology advancing everyday, expect ghosting to happen more and more, unfortunately it is here to stay. Just remember when you do it karma always comes back around.

Dating While Disabled

I’m happy to announce my book, Dating While Disabled will be out soon! It was slated for October 25th, but due to higher demands, I’m releasing it in June! Stay tuned for launch dates in the coming month!

Dating While Disabled will cover all of your dating needs! It will go over everything you and your partner or potential partner will need to know about dating someone with an illness!

Stay Tuned! Happy Dating!!

What a sex coach actually does.

For the past few months I have been bombarded with questions on what my job actually entails, so today I am going to explain the ins and outs of my job, pun intended.

First off, I DO NOT have sex with my clients. Nor do I use my body to show them what I am speaking about and no I do not use my hands to show them how to masturbate correctly. Now, there are sex coaches who do this and I am not knocking what they do professionally, but I never wanted to be that type of sex coach. Later this year I will be taking classes to be a certified clinical sexologist which covers a wide range of topics, such as: psychology, sex abuse, sexual dysfunctions, legal and unethical practices, etc. I also will be getting my sex educator certificate. As you can see there are a wide variety of topics when it comes to sex. And sex is the only thing in this country or even abroad that isn’t taught, your ideas of what a woman or man likes all comes from secondhand knowledge, which can be from past sex partners, friends, or even family.

I wanted to change how the topic of sex is viewed and for sex to become less awkward for parents and their kids/teens to bring sex up without skirting over the major points that need to be talked about. With so many sexually transmitted diseases and incorrect information on protection, it is necessary to discuss it at length, regardless of the persons comfort levels. The percentage rates of HPV, Herpes, and other highly contracted STD’s could go down with the correct information and training being shared to the public. Young adults and even most adults think they are invincible and will not contract a STD, but it’s that ignorance that causes the statistics to skyrocket.

So no matter what you may think of my job, please be safe. If not for yourself, do it for your partner. They shouldn’t have to deal with a lifelong decision that you made without their knowledge or consent just because you think you are superman or superwoman for those 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Happy Dating and remember to WRAP IT UP!!

Step Parents From Hell, When Blended Families Go Wrong

Having a broken or should I say blended family is normal these days, but what if the person your parent is in love with, isn’t as he appears. My intuition has always been spot on, my Mom’s not so much. So when I met him for the first time, the man she was dating, in less than 5 minutes I knew he wasn’t a good guy. After the meeting I told my Mom to run as fast as she could in the other direction, I was only 17 at the time and knew this relationship would be tumultuous at best.

The relationship went from casual dating, to him and his three children moving in, in a matter of a few months. That first time they moved in, it lasted two weeks. I told my Mom it was them or me. Then my Mom had a crazy idea that she and I should buy a house together. I had just turned 18 and had a great job, making more money than some 30 year olds. I thought I might as well help her and buy a house with her. She promised me that he wouldn’t move in, while the house was in my name. He moved in 4 weeks later unofficially of course. Then he was officially moved in with his 17 year old daughter and his other two kids came every other weekend 6 months later.

At this time I was going through a lot of health issues. I was having surgery after surgery and was on disability more often than not. After I had my first back surgery and was recovering, mind you I was still paying a third of the household expenses, he told my Mom that I needed to get out of my bed and help them clean up after my dog. I had just had a lumbar fusion on 2 levels and he was expecting me to clean up after my dogs.

This was the running theme when I would have surgery. He expected and even had my Mom convinced that in 2 weeks I should be back to normal. After having a few knee surgeries and back surgeries, he told my Mom he thought I was physically dislocating my knee, so I could have surgery again and be off work. He basically made it out to seem I was crazy and had munchausen syndrome. I actually started to believe I was crazy. I kept having surgeries that wouldn’t fix me and I would be under the knife again within months of repairing the same thing.

I found out when I was 25 years old that I had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder, it basically means my collagen, which collagen is everything in your body, joints, bones, skin, tendons, ligaments, organs, etc was defective, and the collagen is loose meaning we tear and dislocate things easily. After this diagnosis he still thought I was purposely having surgeries to not work. Mind you I had worked since I was 12 and wished I could still be working and have some semblance of a life, instead of my life in my bed.

My Mom knew I depised this man, so while they were on a vacation they eloped. When she came home to tell me, I lost it and screamed for her to get my name off of the house. I knew he was going to screw with her finances even more so than he already had. She knew she would have to elope, because I would have objected had they had a real wedding.

My Mom and him fought a lot, mostly about me and money. He supposedly didn’t have enough money to pay the third of the bills, which was $525 a month, because of his spousal and child support. So my Mom and I were basically paying for him and his baggage. She kicked him out multiple times and let him come back multiple times. I started to realize that no matter what he did, she would forgive him.

In 2009, my Mom and him were having a huge fight. I heard glass breaking and thought he was hurting her, he had already had 2 domestic violence charges on his record. The first one was never known about until the second one happened. Back to the fight, I ran into their room and got in his face. He pushed me into their closet door which dislocated my shoulder. I thought then she would divorce him. She didn’t.

I ended up moving exactly 29 days after that incident. I was so desperate to get out of that house I went onto a website to find a roommate and found a nice girl who lived in Columbus. I got lucky that she was a great person, because living with someone you have no idea who they are, isn’t exactly comforting and it was scary in the beginning, never knowing if she was an ax murderer or had some crazy quirk.

My Mom’s husband was then fired from his job, that he had had for over 20 years. He thought it was a perfectly sane idea to put a noose on his desk. Which obviously offended many people. So he was terminated. He did find another job, but was not making the money he had been. My Mom had spent so much of her money and her credit cards were maxed out. She also had to be put on disability, because she was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, as well as neuropathy. He swore up and down that he had no money to help her pay her credit cards, so she wouldn’t have to file bankruptcy.

He refused to help her, even though she had helped him financially for the whole 10 years they were together. She started to realize it was time to divorce him. She kicked him out and started the divorce proceedings. She came across his records in his desk and found out he had over 80 grand in IRA’s and savings, he had it all along, and when she needed his help, he refused. But, took her and my money willingly.

She didn’t make out very well in the divorce, even with her being disabled. In the city she lives in it’s a man’s world and they made her look like a shopaholic and not responsible enough. He tried to take the house, even though it was a premarital asset, since she and I bought it together before I transferred the deed to her and they refinanced together. They have been divorced one year and he is behind on spousal support and owes over 20 grand and is in contempt of court again.

Recently, my Mom filed contempt charges and we are awaiting the court date. But, in the midst of all this I went up to my Mom’s attic to grab my childhood toys and other pictures and learned they were missing. He had thrown them away. So my childhood memories were taken because of a sociopath who wanted to hurt myself and my Mom. He always had a weird fixation on me. He used to say he would video tape me in the shower and talk about sex to me. He also beat my two dogs, because they were mine. He also threatened to bury nails in the backyard, so if my German Shepard dug into the yard she would hurt her paws on them. He also wrote in his journal about my daily activities.

I was hopeful when they divorced that this would be over and we could move on and never mention the man’s name again. Unfortunately, I know it will be a long time before his name can be forgotten. I feel bad for my Mom, because she is such a trusting and caring person, she helped him when no one else could or would and he screwed her over. The Webster dictionary really should have his picture next to the term narcissism and sociopath. He is now about to move in with his new girlfriend. I pray for her. She’s going to need it.