Sorry, Not Sorry

I am ashamed of my generation the millennials.

I recently had a situation arise, a young college student tried to intentionally scare me by trying to hit my dogs and I with his car. He made an illegal turn down a one-way street to park in a parking spot that we were walking passed. When he got out I asked him if that was really necessary? He then proceeded to berate me about how it was my fault and I should expect him to try to hit me since I was walking through a parking spot. Umm, what? I didn’t know by him doing an illegal turn and almost hitting me was my fault?

That’s the problem with today’s youth and young adults they will never apologize, even when it is blatantly their fault. Why is that? Where has good manners and respect for others gone? I ask this everyday when I drive somewhere. It has become commonplace for me to be flipped off or shouted at by a driver who intentionally cut me off or them not using a turn signal. It’s apparent no one wants to take responsibility for their actions or their words anymore. And most of the time they assume there will not be any repercussions for their actions.

A lot of today’s youth or 20 something year olds have no respect for authority. They feel that by being cordial, polite or just respecting someone else’s authority, experience, and/or space is beneath them. They lack the patience that is needed to survive in the world, which scares the hell out of me and I am fearful of what the world will look like 5-10 years from now. I haven’t been able to think about what it might look like in 20 plus years.

Another instance of the lack of patience and respect: I was in a long line at Tim Horton’s getting my daily coffee fix when I look out my window to see how long the line was, since I had been sitting there for over 5 minutes. A guy walking into the Tim Horton’s for whatever reason thought that I was looking at him. So he did the best choice he thought of at that moment and said to me, “What the F*ck are you looking at?” Now I ask you, how is it that this gentleman thought that I was so concerned about what he was doing, that I just had to be looking at only him? Like I said before, that was the “all about me” conclusion he could come up with. Instead, he could have thought the simpler conclusion that I might have just been looking at the damn line behind me?

What happens years from now when these kids or young adults start to run our countries? When they are wrong or do something inexcusable, are they going to be able to explain why they did or said something? That’s unfortunately where we are headed. Soon we will get to see our congressmen and women throw temper tantrums and think that we all should be under the assumption that regardless of right and wrong or even common sense, they are right and you are wrong so just get over it.

I know people like to make excuses for the millennials, but when do they stop getting a pass? Whether the excuse for them is that they live in a different world than we did, or that technology is now commonplace so them disrespecting who ever they are with by looking at their phones more than their guest is ok. When does responsibility become a factor? Are their parents going to hold their hands through job interviews? Will they get a time out whenever they disrespect someone else? There are no excuses here that are valid. The parents need to take most of the responsibility.

Our politicians aren’t helping this entitlement phase, offering free college and other freebies is just another way to tell them that the opportunities that they are getting isn’t worth anything and to just keep taking and taking. I had to work 2 jobs and go to school full-time in order for me to afford it. So why are they more important than me? To be honest I wouldn’t want free tuition anyways, my working full-time and going to school full-time made me appreciate the education all the more. Stop looking for handouts and start to appreciate the handouts you have already received! Other countries aren’t as lucky as you guys have been.

Life in general is tough to navigate through, but if you are constantly walking around with your hand out and with a “The world owes me” attitude, then life will be even tougher for you. Always remember that the world doesn’t owe you shit, you owe the world. After all, the world was here first!

God help us.

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This Is Why I Ghost

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As a relationship coach, I will get a lot of flack for admitting that I ghost, but hear me out. Ghosting, is when you are speaking to someone and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM! They are never to be heard from again. You start to over-analyze every little thing you said and did the last time you talked to them or saw them. But, more often than not, the real reason they ghosted has a lot more to do with what they know of your character than them being an asshole.

I have always been very blunt and to the point, some can handle it and some cannot. But, if I stop having feelings for someone I will always slowly but surely stop responding, reason being is I have tried it both ways. I have always been upfront and honest that I like someone else or if I just do not think I am compatible with him anymore. And each time I took the awkward, but respectful way and go out of my way and tell them why I am not feeling them anymore, I would get so many obscenities sent my way.

I have been ghosted on too so it doesn’t matter who you are, you will get ghosted at least once in your life. I had one guy who said he hated ghosting and that if we were ever incompatible to please tell him. He had someone he liked ghost him and so he knew how bad it felt. He even said if she would have sent a text to me; that would have been better than silence. He and I were doing ok and everything appeared to be going well and then he just stopped responding. I even sent him a text saying, “Hey, if you met someone that is perfectly ok, just let me know” I received no response from him. So I let it go. That Friday, I am walking my dogs and guess who is outside my building with beer and trying to get into my gated community? Yep, it was the ghoster. What’s hilarious is the new girl he was dating lived in my exact building, we have 8 buildings in my complex so there’s karma for ya.

So as you can see ghosting sometimes has to occur and yes it is still immature and if the world were an expert on communication then we would never have to come up with these ridiculous terms, but with technology advancing everyday, expect ghosting to happen more and more, unfortunately it is here to stay. Just remember when you do it karma always comes back around.

Dating While Disabled

I’m happy to announce my book, Dating While Disabled will be out soon! It was slated for October 25th, but due to higher demands, I’m releasing it in June! Stay tuned for launch dates in the coming month!

Dating While Disabled will cover all of your dating needs! It will go over everything you and your partner or potential partner will need to know about dating someone with an illness!

Stay Tuned! Happy Dating!!

Relationship Sabotage

When you hear sabotage you think of a movie or war. You rarely think that you yourself are the one causing the relationship issues in your dating life. And you don’t want to think that the reason you are alone is not because their aren’t any good men, but you are alone because of you. I came to this realization a few months back. I am and have been sabotaging my own relationships and in a sense I am sabotaging my own happiness.

A lot of women I have talked too say that they know exactly what I am talking about when I say relationship sabotage. They first think of the relationships they have ruined because of their own neuroses and their own self esteem issues. A lot of people ruin a good relationship because of them being insecure with themselves.

I am one of those people. I have been independent to a fault and do not know how to allow someone to help me with even the mundane things such as carrying in groceries, walking my dogs for me, or picking up something I need at the store. My last relationship I sabotaged knowingly and completely. I don’t think there was anything else I could have done more thoroughly than ending that relationship.

I decided things for this person even before discussing it with them. I also assumed things that they probably hadn’t even thought about. Because of this we obviously ended the relationship. Well I ended it. Many times. So because I have this issue and acknowledge this I am hoping to change the way I react and think when it comes to relationships.

My biggest fear is abandonment. I have a lot of baggage per say and not many would want to deal with all the things that goes with being in my life. And so as a coping mechanism I push that person so far away that there is no turning back once I am done with them. I have acknowledged this and I want to change this part of my personality so going forward I won’t push the next person away. And hopefully the next guy will accept all of who I am.

Stop Over Analyzing

So he hasn’t called you or texted you back in a “reasonable” amount of time, so what do you do? You panic! The reason girls get so flustered and think every man they date is playing games with them is because they are constantly in their heads thinking of reasons why he doesn’t call or text you in a certain amount of time. Women also analyze why men want to spend time with their friends on a certain night instead of hanging out with you.

You need to stop thinking so negatively every time a guy doesn’t do what you want them to do. He doesn’t know how many times a day you want him to contact you. And even if he did, he has a life too, so your idea of how many times he should communicate with you will not always work for him. And it shouldn’t be a prerequisite in your dating life.

Men are pretty simple to understand. If a guy doesn’t contact you, it’s because he either doesn’t have anything to say or he really doesn’t want to contact you. It’s black or white with them. Even if you thought you had the best first meeting with a guy doesn’t mean he thought so too! And if he did have a great time with you then he will contact you and ask for a second meeting. Men like the “hunt” or chase if you will. If there is a woman he is interested in and she contacts him constantly or doesn’t allow him the chase he will get turned off and think you are too clingy and too desperate for a relationship with him.

Men love a confident woman and they hate dealing with jealousy. They like to have a girl who is into them of course, but they want to be the one to show you that he feels you too. They don’t want a girl constantly texting them and you showing them that you undoubtedly find him to be the “one” you have been searching for. In the future let him contact you and if he doesn’t then you know he wasn’t worth your time anyway.