This Is Why I Ghost

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As a relationship coach, I will get a lot of flack for admitting that I ghost, but hear me out. Ghosting, is when you are speaking to someone and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM! They are never to be heard from again. You start to over-analyze every little thing you said and did the last time you talked to them or saw them. But, more often than not, the real reason they ghosted has a lot more to do with what they know of your character than them being an asshole.

I have always been very blunt and to the point, some can handle it and some cannot. But, if I stop having feelings for someone I will always slowly but surely stop responding, reason being is I have tried it both ways. I have always been upfront and honest that I like someone else or if I just do not think I am compatible with him anymore. And each time I took the awkward, but respectful way and go out of my way and tell them why I am not feeling them anymore, I would get so many obscenities sent my way.

I have been ghosted on too so it doesn’t matter who you are, you will get ghosted at least once in your life. I had one guy who said he hated ghosting and that if we were ever incompatible to please tell him. He had someone he liked ghost him and so he knew how bad it felt. He even said if she would have sent a text to me; that would have been better than silence. He and I were doing ok and everything appeared to be going well and then he just stopped responding. I even sent him a text saying, “Hey, if you met someone that is perfectly ok, just let me know” I received no response from him. So I let it go. That Friday, I am walking my dogs and guess who is outside my building with beer and trying to get into my gated community? Yep, it was the ghoster. What’s hilarious is the new girl he was dating lived in my exact building, we have 8 buildings in my complex so there’s karma for ya.

So as you can see ghosting sometimes has to occur and yes it is still immature and if the world were an expert on communication then we would never have to come up with these ridiculous terms, but with technology advancing everyday, expect ghosting to happen more and more, unfortunately it is here to stay. Just remember when you do it karma always comes back around.

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Dating While Disabled

I’m happy to announce my book, Dating While Disabled will be out soon! It was slated for October 25th, but due to higher demands, I’m releasing it in June! Stay tuned for launch dates in the coming month!

Dating While Disabled will cover all of your dating needs! It will go over everything you and your partner or potential partner will need to know about dating someone with an illness!

Stay Tuned! Happy Dating!!

Mobile Dating Apps, Do They Work? Updated!

This past week I found a new mobile dating application that someone wanted me to try called The Circle. This application is supposed to find friends who are close to the same location as you and of course anyone with that application can see everyone who is close to them. I, being the inquisitive person I am, downloaded it and saw all my usual Facebook friends on it. So I thought, ‘OK it’s just another way to get in contact with friends. Wrong.

Five minutes into downloading this application I started getting notifications from people I have never met and they started sending me messages. I love meeting new people, but I started to realize that only men (and the occasional woman) were going to be messaging me. My first message was from this guy, we will call him Thomas. He started with the standard questions of what I did for a living (even though it is posted on my page) and what I liked to do outside of work and then… BAM! Do you have a boyfriend, what are your measurements, are you looking for a boyfriend, when can we hang out, what is your favorite color. Yeah that last one shocked me too.

Ask Intelligent Questions!

A day into this mobile dating application, I received 45 messages from men and 119 profile views from random people. Now I ask you— how is anyone single when you have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, The Circle, and all the other applications that we can download just for the heck of it? But the reason people can still be single, myself included, is because people ask us questions like Thomas did. Is there any tact? Is there anything else that men want to know from us besides my favorite color? And of course if I want a boyfriend? What the heck am I back in middle school?

All of these applications are just another way for men to accost women with stupid questions and it’s another way for women to be rejected by the men we actually like. Needless to say I removed the application from my phone. But I am still hopeful that people will realize that we want better questions than what is your favorite color! And I would hope that if you actually wanted to date me, and not just sleep with me, that my favorite color being blue is not something you want to know or even need to know after you find out my name and my measurements!

Now, we have the Tinder App, I must say Tinder is actually one of the best mobile dating apps, and the reason I like it is because you can select who will contact you. On all the other dating apps anyone can message you at any time and that can be annoying especially when you have no intentions of talking to that person. The only downside to Tinder is that there are a lot of people who are on there just swiping right, indicating that yes you think that person is your type, but then not contacting them. I have a lot of friends using Tinder and are upset they took the effort to swipe right and when you message them you get no response. What is the point of you being on a dating app and selecting someone you think is attractive, but never talking to them? If this is something you do, please remove the app! There are people out there who are really looking for love, and if you aren’t one of those people kindly log off.

Taking A New Relationship Too Fast

When people are just starting to date, most seem to try to take it to the next level too fast. When you have just met someone a month down the line is not the time to start asking “where are we?” and “where is this going?” it’s a moot issue, well it should be. Because at the end of the day, how well do you really know this person? Most are quick to say that I am with so and so and they are my boyfriend/girlfriend, but why are we rushing this most important time in dating? Are we defining relationships too soon?

Defining relationships too soon could be a good indicator that a relationship won’t work!
During the first months of a relationship we are learning about the other person, what they like and what they don’t like. By rushing things along too fast, you are inevitably missing what could be the deal breaker for that relationship. Had you actually taken your time and learned who this person was, you may have saved you and them some grief. In my experience, asking the “where is it going” question too soon isn’t necessary. Friends have asked me when they should ask their partners and I always respond “why do you want to know so soon?” If people took their time with relationships like they do with friendships, then, the divorce rate and cancelled engagements would be greatly decreased.

Dating is a time to enjoy getting to know people again and not have expectations on how things are or how they should be. I do know that love at first sight exists for some, but again, why the rush? Why are we rushing with relationships that are already wonderful the way they are? Taking things slower, helps make the relationship stronger and builds a strong base for the future.

Many who ended up in failed long term relationships and marriages say they wish they would have found out sooner whether a relationship was right for them or not. They feel that had they waited and learned about their partner’s character and personality that perhaps they wouldn’t have moved forward with them. Let’s be honest here, when was the last time you maintained and nurtured a bad friendship just to be included as their maid of honor or best man at their wedding? For this same reason you should start to ask yourself why rush your wedding to the wrong person? Relationships should be a process, take your time and have fun with them!